The Early Morning Hours

Last night I went to bed happy, but achey and feeling like a storm was on its way.

This morning I feel about the same way with a cough to accompany it.  So, as 4:00 rolled around I tried very hard to keep my eyes shut.  But habbits are stubborn, so at 4:30 I finally got myself up to send Jared off for the day :) and we can forget sleep at this point, because my mind is racing...not with important things, granted.

In fact, the great debate of "should I clean my house and cough and die as I do it,"  or "should I sit on the couch and watch shows with Joe (who is also sick) and want to die, as I sit in a messy house" raced through my head.

I know, my mind is a complicated place to be at times :)  However, I started into my scripture study and found many more IMPORTANT and edifying thoughts waiting for me there....

From Jacob 3, to the December Ensign, and finally landing in General Conference.....Wilt Thou Be Made Whole by Elder Dyches.  Interestingly enough, my thoughts connected from place to place, and I found some understaning :)

Elder Dyches recounted one of my favorite stories:


Corrie ten Boom, a devout Dutch Christian woman, found such healing despite having been interned in concentration camps during World War II. She suffered greatly, but unlike her beloved sister Betsie, who perished in one of the camps, Corrie survived.

After the war she often spoke publicly of her experiences and of healing and forgiveness. On one occasion a former Nazi guard who had been part of Corrie’s own grievous confinement in Ravensbrück, Germany, approached her, rejoicing at her message of Christ’s forgiveness and love.

“‘How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein,’ he said. ‘To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!’

“His hand was thrust out to shake mine,” Corrie recalled. “And I, who had preached so often … the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.

“Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. … Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him.

“I tried to smile, [and] I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.

“As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.

“And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.”1


And then he ended his talk with a quote that I can atest to!  I love the Savior.   If life is sometimes bleak, hard or discouraging, then I HATE to think of what it would be without His help to pull us through :)

If you feel unclean, unloved, unhappy, unworthy, or unwhole, remember “all that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”3  (Wilt Thou Be Made Whole?)

Seeing through different eyes

Jared is now working in Vegas FULL - TIME!  (Something we said we would never do :)  funny how life does that to you)!  When we first moved to the valley, we counted our blessings that ..."at least we don't live in Vegas!"  However, the years have softened us.  Actually most of the softening has come from getting to know people that live in Vegas!  We love them!  Oh, that and Smart and Final (my favorite store) and Business Costco! Those definitley help :)  All kidding aside, it is the people!

And yet, it is those people that I have the most admiration for.  The SMOKE and MIRRORS, LIGHTS and SOUNDS of Las Vegas have never tricked me.  A city built upon the lures of  pornography, gambling, sex, drinking....pretty much everything that would destroy a family! And yet, these people have stalwart families!  My whole heart goes out to them!  It is them that I find myself asking my "how to raise your kids" questions!

BUT every once in a while, the UGLY stands out, and I have to step back and think.  ON Monday Jared came home and said, "Kathryn, I just keep noticing that everyone walking the streets of Vegas is carrying a stick of some kind..and today,  I saw a lady CARRYING A FULL ON BAT!"  So three days later, as I drove myself down Craig and Nellis, I also noticed plenty of  STICKS, no bats, but lots of sticks!  And I thought to myself, when the roots are corrupt, EVERYTHING follows!  You cannot hide the results of sin, even with 9 foot walls and pretty decorative turtules.  It seeps out into EVERYTHING.

Remember how I am reading that large book about Abraham Lincoln (which I am loving...except when the author slipped in her personal opinion and ruined an entire chapter for me)  however, that aside, there is a chapter of the book when one of the political cantidates goes and visits the SOUTH, when slavery was alive and well.  His description was a timely reminder for me of what we were seeing on the streets of Vegas....

"The North of this period "teemed with bustling, restless men and women who believed passionately in 'progress' and equated it with growth and change; the air was filled with the excitement of intellectual ferment and with the schemes of enterpereneurs; and the land was honeycombed with societies  aiming at nothing less than the total reform of mankind."
Yet crossing into Virginia, the Sewards entered a world virtually unchanged since 1800.  "We no longer passed frequent farm-houses, taverns, and shops...but our rough road conducted us...past low log-huts, the habitations of slaves...a waste, broken tract of land, with here and there an old, decaying habitation..How deeply the cursse of slavery is set upon this venerated and storied region of the old dominion."

I fear we are trying to "Grow, Progress, and Change" with sin as our motivator...How many times will histories of civiliations have to repeat itself to know that IT CANNOT HAPPEN.  Goodness creates Growth.  Christ allows Progress, and Repentance will be the only thing to change us.
And these are where my grand thoughts end for the day....there are remnants of crepe batter calling my name :)

Updatng the Update

The end of Conference weekend found Jared and I kneeling down for couple prayer on Sunday night, both with the same question brooding in our minds.   "How do we keep our kids protected...spiritually speaking...in such a nasty world?"  That night, I felt a great unrest.
The next morning I found myself searching my conference notes and finding, at least one thing, that gave me great hope....someone quoting Elder Bednar...

"As you respond in faith to this invitation, your hearts shall turn to the fathers. The promises made to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob will be implanted in your hearts...Your love and gratitude for your ancestors will increase. Your testimony of and conversion to the Savior will become deep and abiding. And I promise you will be protected against the intensifying influence of the adversary. As you participate in and love this holy work, you will be safeguarded in your youth and throughout your lives."

So my prayers quickly turned to "How can I integrate Family History into our busy lives?"  I was surprised to immediatley have an answer..."start telling them stories."  So the next morning  at breakfast I started telling them about my Grandma Grover.  The next answer came, "find more stories to tell them."  So I opened a Book of Rememberance that my Grandma Grover had made, that had been sitting on my shelf.  On the back of the front page, I found this message in Grandma Grover's handwriting:

"To an Ancestor
Dear One, my spirit knows this to be true:  
You are a part of me and I of you."

It was a nice message, but when coupled with the experience that I had had two nights earlier, it MEANT something to me.  The following is from my previous blog :


"Joey, I love you!  Do you know I have two Joes?"
No...Who?
"You are my first Joey, and my second Joe is my Dad!"
Really?
"Do you remember what his name is?"
And we said together, "JOSEPH DELANEY FOSTER!"
Then he got a huge grin on his face and said, "AND I AM A PART OF HIM!"

I think I will stick with Elder Bednar's promise....I think he is onto something :)

TRUDGING on :)

I just had to share my tender moment!  All of my kids are named after someone (with the exception of Ally....Jared named Ally, I named the rest!  Ally will have to make a name of her own, which I am quite confident she is capable of :)  My fourth is named Joseph Curtis. Curtis after his uncle, who we have enormous respect for, and Joseph after my dad.

For some reason, every night when I tuck Joseph in, I am reminded quite strongly of the connection, and I often remind him about his Grandpa.  Last night's conversation made my heart melt.  It went like this:

"Joey, I love you!  Do you know I have two Joes?"
No...Who?
"You are my first Joey, and my second Joe is my Dad!"
Really?
"Do you remember what his name is?"
And we said together, "JOSEPH DELANEY FOSTER!"
Then he got a huge grin on his face and said, "AND I AM A PART OF HIM!"

To which I promptly kissed him goodnight, exited the room, because I could no longer talk!
Joey was 2 when Grandpa died.  And yet I am quite certain, he still influences his life!  I am so GRATEFUL for eternities to come when death, disabillity, and disease, hamper our ability to see the positive impact we have on each other!
For now we will trudge on, with ETERNITY in our sights!

Almost everyday I get an email telling me that my cousin, Andrea, has updated her Good Reads activity....So I take a peak, and get really excited when I see what she has been reading.  Then I remember that my reading is inhibited by a 5 minute time span as of the last 10 years.  At which point, despite my deepest desires, my eyelids shut and I am lost in a world of  SLEEP!  Don't get me wrong, I love sleep, but I LOVE to read!

However, I HAD to go after the last book she added to her Good Reads profile.  And I WILL FINISH IT!  IF it takes me 5 months of 5 minutes! The title, "Team of Rivals!"  (An exploration of Abraham Lincoln's life, presidency, and cabinet as a quick synopsis)  Call me strange, but I LOVE stuff like this!

Today, my five minutes fit in PERFECTLY with the activity for the day.  If you didn't know, today and tomorrow is General Conference!  Which I love, even more than my Founding Father Obsession!

Okay, you have to bear with me as I make you read just 6 short paragraphs from this book, and then tie all my thoughts together.  Just so you know, we enter upon the subject of a man named Seward, a political rival of Abraham Lincoln, and although not my favorite character, he had principles.

"Meanwhile, he continued to speak out on behalf of black citizens.  In March 1846, a terrifying massacre took place in Seward's hometown.  A 23 year old black man named William Freeman, recently released from prison after serving five years for a crime it was later determined he did not commit, entered the home of John Van Nest, a wealthy farmer and friend of Seward's.  Armed with two knives, he killed Van Nest, his pregnant wife, their small child, and Mrs. Van Nest's mother.  When he was caught within hours, Freeman immediately confessed.  He exhibited no remorse and laughed uncontrollably as he spoke.  The sheriff hauled him away.....
Investigation revealed a history of insanity in Freeman's family.  Moreover, Freeman had suffered a series of floggings in jail that had left him deaf and deranged.  When the trial opened, no lawyer was willing to take Freeman's case.   The citizens of Auburn had threatened violence against any member of the bar who dared to defend the cold blooded murderer.  When the court asked, "will anyone defend this man?"  a "deathlike stillness pervaded the crowded room," until Seward rose, his voice strong with emotion and said, "May it please the court, I shall remain counsel for the prisoner until his death!"
Seward's friends and family....criticized Seward for his decision.  Only Frances (his wife) stood proudly by her husband during the outburst that followed, assuring her sister that "he will do what is right.  He will not close his eyes and know that wrong is perpetrated."  To her son Gus she noted, that, "there are few men in America who would have sacrificed so much for the cause of humanity-he has his reward in quiet conscience and a peaceful mind...
In his summation, he pleaded with the jury not to be influenced by the color of the accused man's skin.  "He is still your brother, and mine...Hold him then to be a man."  Seward continued, "I am not the prisoner's lawyer...I am the lawyer for society, for mankind, shocked beyond the power of expression, at the scene I have witnessed here."  he argued that Freeman's conduct was "unexplainable on any principle of sanity."
There was never any doubt that the local jury would return a guilty verdict.  In due time, gentlemen of the jury,"  Seward concluded, "when I shall have paid the debt of nature, my remains will rest here in our midst, with those of my kindred and neighbors.  It is very possible they may be unhonored, neglected, spurned!  But , perhaps years hence, when the passion and excitement which now agitate this community shall have passed away, some wondering stranger, some lone exile, some Indian, some negro, ay erect over them a humble stone, and thereon this epitaph, "He was Faithful!"

I find in Seward and John Adams (who once represented the ever-unpopular British, because of principle), something so STABILIZING!  A world where people act on Belief instead of acting like life is one CONTINUOUS ELECTION CYCLE!  Where words and actions depend upon the moment, momentum, and feeling in the crowd.

How utterly EXHAUSTING, and CONTINUALLY UN-NERVING it would be to base my life on the EVOLVING nature of man's whims!  (not always influenced by thebest of sources)!

I find my deepest gratitude lies in an unchanging God! Defined Doctrine! and living by principle supplies my greatest peace!

This weekend and everyday of my life, I am reminded why I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Ltter Day Saints!

12 years! And Counting!

Yesterday, Chris, the neighbor boy, came over and as he checked out out our temporary decorations, I hear Sam say, "Hey Chris, did you know that tomorrow is our family's anniversary?"  And with a weird look and half laugh, the conversation turned to the trampoline (faster than my sisters and I change subjects....that is saying something).

2 weeks ago as we sat down to plan out the budget, I pulled out my calendar to assess upcoming expenditures, and just as soon as Back TO SCHOOL spending stops, the Anniversaries and Birthdays start.  Joy.  To say the least, the budget was taxed, when budgets are taxed, creativity takes over.    So I started to think....

TODAY is our anniversary!  Yeah!  12 years of WHIRLWIND!  In a rare quiet moment I started to think about what has happened.  12 years ago, in a dress, I would never fit into today, I got married in the Idaho Falls Temple.  Surrounded by ALL of my family and meeting some of Jared's family (for the first time), the day was GREAT!

  And from there things get a little blurry...I remember LOTS of morning sickness!  5 deliveries, a couple of moves!  Lots of life changes.  Losing my dad and then Jared's dad....and all of a sudden, Ally is 10, on the verge of middle school, Daniel is almost 3, there are no more diapers in our house (YEAH!!!!!) and I am wondering HOW on earth I survived?   And better yet, LOVED what has become of us?

As my mind wove it's way down our path (and I am not going to lie, some of the path is clouded over with mists of "I have no idea what happened here, I was too tired to digest it")  I came to a realization!  It might have started out with Jared and I looking much younger, (and did I mention the dress size).  But it certainly didn't end there!  2 quickly has turned to 7!  And as I KNOW with all of my heart, that our little family is bound together FOREVER through temple covenants.  I realized that it was the PERFECT day to celebrate, the day the JARED and KATHRYN BOLTON family began....Our family's anniversary!

So what did I do, I cooked, all of our restaurant favorites!  Olive GArden salad and Breadsticks, Chili's chips and salsa and honey chipotle chicken fingers....and more!

It was a great night, and I think a tradition worth keeping!

For the History Books!

I have a favorite picture from the summer, and I would like to introduce you to it. But before I do, let me add my disclaimer… The night this picture was taken, after all the festivities were over, I went into my mom's bedroom and told her, "This was the best night, I just wish Jared had been here…". To which she replied, "I just wish Joe had been here!"

For the first time in years the Christensen's and Foster's gathered for a family barbecue. This is the documentation. Do you love it? You can barely even see me! Isn't it great?! This may be one of, if not the only, post- junior high picture where I am not towering over everyone else… Purely a side note...Now let me introduce you to the rest of my family… The Christensen's! 

 You are just going to have to trust me on this one, when I say that these people have earned the name of family. The ways they have influenced us, goes way beyond blood! 

 It has been quite a while since most of us have been gathered (minus dad's funeral, to which all of them made great sacrifices to come to). But this was a much happier time. We did what we always do, talked and ate, eating with secondary. External entertainment is never necessary at one of these get-togethers. 

 Let me give you the quick background scoop. It all started when my dad and Bob attended Ricks College together. Both nonmembers, there on athletic scholarships. One day meeting in a field of grass, where the sprinklers were on, only to bring their car washing supplies and wash their cars together. Several years later, both had joined the church and a lifelong friendship was on its way. It has become a culture all of it's own it may have started there, but now the families are totally intertwined.  

 For years, Bob was the wrestling coach at Ricks College. This summer several of us went to his retirement party, where wrestlers from miles around came to thank him for all of his service. For hours, wrestler after wrestler got up to tell the way Bob had impacted their lives. Little of it had to do with wrestling. That is just the kind of person he is. 

 After hour one, I was feeling pretty jipped. I wanted to get up too. But surprisingly, I recognized it was not the time or place:). Some pretty cool things were said, but I think there was one thing that summarized his entire life. His wrestling philosophy was that YOU CAN NEVER BE BETTER THAN THE BASICS! He had the basics down on and off the mat!


But… His greatest tribute… Has to be the way his children have turned out! We love the Christensen's! And hopefully… It won't be another 15 years before the next!

Panic!

The last two weeks have been crazy.  When you take a family that usually has lights out at 8 p.m. sharp and transport their bedtime to 11:30, you might as well have transported them to an alternate universise where chaos reigns supreme!  To top it all off, I have had ALLERies turned VIOLENT SINUS INFECTION within the last 7 days!  But all of this is quite secondary to the main trauma that has been happening...I will begin at the beginning.

Bear Lake, ID...Day one of Foster Family Reunion...on the beach, sitting under the canopy...Watching the kids reunite with cousins and the waves...eating a piece of chicken...and talking to my family.  It is important to note that in this story, the eating is SECONDARY to the talking,  obviously, because, as  I busily talked, I put a piece of chiken into my mouth accompainied by a lovely HORNET!  Which proceeded to sting my tongue repeatedly...let's just say that, for a brief moment, I thought the light was beginning to form at the end of the tunnel.

As the next two weeks unfloded, I began to notice my allergies flairing up and my sense of taste disappearing!  By last Friday, I was in a FULL BLOWN PANIC!  Jared and I went to the temple (which was lovely) and then to Chili's!  About the time that I realized that that there was no difference between my tortilla chips and Brownie Brittle my world became a VERY DARK PLACE.  So I kept eating, trying to find any hint of flavor.  As I swallowed gulps of salsa, I knew it was hot, I was sweating in fact, but no yummy tomato, salty ANYTHING!

For several hours I tried to resign myself to the fact that a hornet had paralyzed my tastebuds FOREVER, leaving me forever....TASTELESS.  At this point, my irritated eyes (which I had previously tried to scratch out on multiple occasions) seemed doable compared to a world without FOOD!

I had NO IDEA how much I relied on food for enjoyment!  Luckily, I am now medicated, and my sense of taste is slowly coming back to me!  The bag of Brownie Brittle is now gone, and I am ready to do a redo at Chili's.  I probably should have lost 10 pounds over the last 2 weeks.  Unfortunaltley, that would not be the case :)

NORTH!!!

We are heading NORTH!  I - 15 is BEAUTIFUL!  There are rain clouds (with the actual possibility of precipitation).  GREEN...oh the GREEN...everywhere! We actually just passed a lavender field with GREEN and PURPLE all in the same field.  I never knew how beautiful NORTH was!

Usually I love living in Nevada (don't let my sisters tell you differently)!  But these past few days have been an INFERNO and the forecast shows NO reprieve.  I was all too happy to hitch up the trailer and get on the road.  

The only problem came when the trailer had issues, and the lights had bigger issues!  I don't know how it is that problems like these always get miraculously solved at the very last minute, but so it was with the trailer issues at 10:00 p.m. last night.  

I am slowly coming to the whole point of this blog post!  I LOVE BEING PART OF A WARD!  Yesterday as Jared was wilting away in the sun, Brad from down the street saw and quickly offered aid!  They worked for 2 hours and got it working...for approximately 3 minutes :)  and then it quit.

After another phone call, Tyson shows up with his truck full of TOOLS.  I never knew about these tools, who has tools like that!  An hour down, Jared (who had been an phone advisor through the whole thing)....followed by Andrew, and when Andrew comes, things just get done!

All within a few blocks we had enough know-how, talent, hard work, and just GOOD PEOPLE to finish it up!  All we had to offer them were cucumbers, cantaloupe, and Zucchini (and there is more of that)  from the garden,  the entire rest of the house was packed up tightly in suitcases ready to go today!  Heavenly Father is BRILLIANT!  This should not be a shock!  but I love being a part of a ward!  

P.S.  We made it and Bluebell is Beautiful!  The smell alone was enough to make me think I was in Heaven!  The minute I exited the car my mind carried me to "No Bears Are Out Tonight being chased by several Mattingley's" and Jay, Renn, and Chris in the neighboring tent discussing the perks of anti-persperant!  Life is awesome!  If I lived in the North I would blog every night just about how good it smells!

THE BILL IS DEAD!

This week was INTERESTING to say the very least.  Monday morning started with a phone call, which really turned into a call to action.  The Nevada state Legislature was set to pass a comprehensive Sex Education bill by the end of the week....the bill was basically sponsored by Planned Parenthood.  I will not go into the details, but only to quote my good friend, "One time I started checking out Planned Parenthood to educate myself about the organization and soon had to stop because everything I read was pornographic in nature."  I cannot think of anything more damaging to our future, than to give the permissive pornographic culture which we are fighting so hard to deflect, a prominent classroom within the halls of our public schools.

I come across many causes I would like to help, but my life is busy and many I cannot justify taking from my family's  time to fight.  This cause I could not justify NOT FIGHTING.  So we organized, we called, we did what a tight-knit group of mothers does best, we spread the word!

By the end of the week, the prospects were dim and we started planning the VILLAGE once again.  (The village is the place where we (the neighborhood moms) Fantasize of raising our kids...located on Meek's property, and ran completely by US :) I was HEARTSICK!  I had one thing to look forward to.  Saturday would be Noelle Rust's bridal shower....and for some reason I could not wait for it to happen.  It went far beyond my COMPLETE OBSESSION with planning parties.  And minutes before the party started, it dawned on me why!

We were not having a bridal shower, we were having a celebration of VIRTUE.  A daughter of God (who my family ADORES with everything we have) had found someone just as pure and good as she was.  There was no denying at that moment, God takes care of His children.  There is a well marked path of virtue, even in a very wicked world.  As we celebrated, we were HAPPY, not entertained, but HAPPY.

Then a miracle happened!  In the midst of our celebrations I received a text!  The Bill Was DEAD!  It would not be brought to the floor!  I cannot wait for the morning to call the Senators brave enough to make the decision.  As others are criticizing them, and, oh how loud their voices are!  I am positive that Lord never did need to talk that loud to assure us that we have done is RIGHT, AND GOOD, AND VIRTUOUS!

My Heart Hurts

Today I blog in pictures...I woke up to the somber news that Sister Monson passed away this morning.  I could only imagine the tender scene in my mind, as I have witnessed one of my own, and after you have seen a life pass from this one to the next.....you are never quite the same.

No, I have never met or even shaken President Monson's hand, or seen his wife in person, but when he says he loves me, I feel almost child-like, trusting in and hanging onto his every syllable.  If his love can have that effect on me, I think it may have been almost overwhelming to have been in that small hospital room this morning.  His grief must be consuming.  Of all the funerals he has spoken at, he will now attend his wife's...of all the widows he has seen to, he will now be the widower.  Surely The Lord will be merciful to such a diligent servant.

As soon as I read the news, THREE pictures immediately came to my mind.  Please indulge me and look.  In a world when so many are exchanging pure love for things so artificial, these are THE REAL DEAL!

Sister Monson...Isn't she beautiful!

President Hinckley at his wife's funeral.

One week before my dad died.

Like I said, this is the real deal....the kind of deal you KNOW has to LAST FOREVER!

18 years ago.....

Some days my mom will call me and begin the phone conversation like this,  " you just never know what is going to happen when you wake up in the morning....."  Followed by some sort of news that nobody wants to hear.   Today (and it seems like an increasing amount of days) was one of those days.  Only, it wasn't my mom, it was my sister, and the news....news that nobody wants to hear.


I am a proud graduate of North Fremont High School.  Purple and Gold forever:).  There were (I believe) only 44 members in my class, thus making us quite unique.   More or less an extended family.  Most of us went to school with each other for 13 years straight....the few that moved in and out were remakable, and remembered, because not much happens in Ashton, ID:)

Next month will mark 18 years that we have been graduated.  In our Senior year, on a snowy January day we lost one of our own in a car accident.   Stephanie Palmer!  Oh we cried!  She was always a light and we loved her.   This winter I went home and attended a basketball practice where, sitting nearby I saw Stephanie's sister in-law, who she had never met.  As she was exiting the gym I quickly got up and introduced myself.  And briefly told her, " I was Stephanie's friend, she was a remarkable person, you are going to love getting to know her in the next life."  

In all of our crying sessions, I am not sure who we were crying for.  It must have been us, because the thought that we were crying for her seems unreal through the scope of time.

18 years has taken our little class and spread us throughout the country, with varying jobs and families and situations.....but every situation that I know of has been dealt a share of heart-ache.....somedays leaving us wondering, "did I really sign up for this?"

Today and as night closes in, heartache abounds for one of our own, and my heart is breaking for them as well. MaiKeli lost an 8 year old son.   3 years ago, at my own dad's viewing, I remember Keli walking through the line, giving me a great big hug, and wanting to talk, but couldn't as tears streamed down his cheeks........I have thought of that often over the last few years.  Simply his ability to mourn with those that mourn made all the difference to me.

I cannot count the number of times that I have heard the following, "why would God let that happen?"  And as life's experiences continually take me to my knees and to the scriptures looking for answers, I still don't know the answer to that question.  But I am becoming COMPLETELY SURE that the solution always lies with Him and Him alone.  There is only one place to turn, when happiness never again seems to be a possibility.

Where, when my aching grows,

Where, when I languish,

Where, in my need to know, where can I run?

Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?

Who, who can understand?

He, only One.

Road trips to Bluebell!

Our Toyota Sienna has seen one too many long road trips as of late.  Once It had a gray shiny seats now the seats are gray and whatever color Ritz crackers + gray makes. (when somebody finds the perfect traveling treat for three year olds… Please let me know)… And I will give a reward to anyone who has the cure for the whining six-year-old who is constantly thirsty… I am a glutton for punishment if Long road trips bring us closer to family, then bring on the Ritz crackers.

This weekend we got to Take our Toyota sienna all the way to Bluebell, Utah, Jared's hometown.  Two of his nieces were talking in church.  Both decided on the day that President Monson made the big announcement (girls can now serve a mission at age 19 as opposed to 21) that they would be serving a mission!  In fact, I distinctly remember checking my Facebook that day to see Jessica say "I'M GOING ON A MISSION!"  And Cortney frantically searching for her mother (who was not near a phone) to tell her that she too was GOING ON A MISSION!

6 months later, we are here, with one shortly departing for Ohio and one for New York.   That in itself is amazing, but what I saw on Sunday was even more amazing.  There is a scripture that frequently runs through my mind it comes from the Doctrine and Covenants.  It gives me hope for Ally's future.  And on Sunday I saw manifested in two of her cousins.

LET VIRTUE GARNISH THY THOUGHTS UNCEASINGLY… Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God…

They were beautiful and so fun to listen to, but it went so much further than that.  Cortney showed such grace and True understanding.  Jessica has a depth of understanding in spiritual matters that she has paid a price for.  It was everything a mother could hope for!   And I know I am not their mom, but I would have been proud to be!  As they spoke I kept checking Ally to see if she was seeing the POSSIBILITIES!

Jared and I are both on the younger end when it comes to sibling order....That is proving to be a huge blessing for us and our kids!   We are watching and learning much!  Good luck Cortney and Jessica.  Remember, with virtue comes confidence!  You are well on your way!

Of Primary, Elmo, Obedience and Tinfoil!

I think I have just entered one of the funnest stages of life!  My kids are doing the best and funniest things, and I am enjoying every minute of it.  I am not sure what has changed, I am sure they have always been brilliant and funny, but something in me has relaxed just enough to see and enjoy.

Yesterday Jared told Daniel to go make his bed...Daniel is 2!  This was the result!  Yes, that is Elmo with a binki in his mouth :)

Two days ago I went to the Thrift Store with Joe (4). I let him buy a package of Spider-man Invitations.  When we got home he quickly opened them and asked me to read them.
I said,  "You're Invited to a party!"
He  immediately said, "YES!"  and then walking away he said, "I wonder which party it is?"

That was fun, but Joe did something amazing this week....I quote from my friend's blog  (she is the song leader in our Primary):

As the Jr. Primary children hurried into the primary room after sacrament meeting , I stood in front of the room  and sang songs, welcoming them in.  This is what I do every week. Little three year-old Lauren Hopkins was having a very hard time in Primary. Her mother, Larissa, sat beside her for a few minutes,  reassured  her, and then got up to leave. Lauren tried to suppress her tears, but it was more than her little heart could take and she began to sob.  I guess it was more than Larissa's heart could take as well, and  she went back and sat by Lauren.    Once again Larissa comforted Lauren,  and stood to leave. And  again, Lauren began to sob.  Larissa took courage and did what a mom needs to do sometimes; she did not go back to Lauren.  I quickly began singing  fun little action songs with the children in hopes that I could catch Lauren's attention and keep her from crying.  It didn't work.  Her crying increased, but I was so surprised by how still and reverent the rest of the children were.  They were softy singing as if to comfort  their little friend.  .  Then something amazing happened.  As we were quietly singing I watched four-year old Joseph Bolton reverently get up from his chair.  He walked behind where she was sitting and put his arm around her shoulders, while bending over to show her that it was him.  So calm. So sacred. So perfect.  As Lauren's cries began to subside,  Joe quietly returned back to his seat never saying a word.

Joseph has always had a tender heart...I hope I don't ruin it :)

The Bishop recently asked our family to study "Obedience and Sacrifice" for the next three months and then be willing to talk about what we had learned.  It has been really fun.  When we meet for Family Home Evening we come ready to study instead of present!  The other day we asked the kids to write in their journals what was hard about obedience.  Without Ally's permission I am sharing her's!  (because I think it is so cool..great insight for a 9 year old!)

And as a passing, closing thought, I thought I would share with you just how much tinfoil is on a small roll of Great Value Tinfoil.....Because at this point, Daniel, Autumn Whiting, and Jared and I may be the only ones that know :)

Tonight, there is a ward party!  Ward parties inevitably remind me of my dad.  He LOVED them.  He said that the first thing he did as a Bishop was call a great Activities Chairman (Nikki Reynolds:)  What he liked the most about ward parties was sitting at the end of one of those long tables and talking (potlucks scared him, the food was never the main event)....we always ended up sitting by the Christensen's, cause duh, they are REALLY fun to talk to!

This Thursday marked THREE years from the day that my dad died.  This blog has acted as my therapy, my memory recorder, and my link from him to my kids.  Silly words can never really convey the feeling you got when you were with him.  He made you feel important, smart, empowered, and humbled, all with a GLANCE.  Strangely enough, I still have those feelings in quite moments.....the thoughts will float through me, "I proud of you sweetheart,  I love you."  And, Yes, the kiss on the cheek and side squeeze around the waist is missing, but the feeling is still there.  More often than not, I know he is there.  Like I have said before, our little family is GRANDPA-less, but we are certainly not HOPE-less :)

Two weeks ago Sam was baptized by his dad!  I woke up that morning with a scripture on my mind, that stayed with me through the rest of the day:

"Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness is manifest." Doctrine and Covenants 84:20

So throughout the day, I watched, and watched, looking for how this first saving ordinance could be so life changing, so manifesting, of God's power. And in His perfectly organized fashion, I saw it!  The Priesthood of God has truly been restored to the Earth, and by its power, ordinances are performed that we may one day live with Him again!

Life is GREAT!  We have good kids, we have great parents, we are surrounded by the best people this world has to offer!  Pretty lucky we are!

Farewell!  It's time to curl my hair....there is a ward party tonight!

We have had a great week.  The last several months we have had several opportunities to be with family...which is always the best place to be.  Yesterday found us with Uncle Cory and Aunt Michelle and the gilrs in Las Vegas.

Michelle and I got to spend the day in the temple!  As we sat there, and I thought of how much I liked this family, a quote popped promptly into my head....all of those who know her will find it quite fitting!

Jared, Cory, and the kids went to Chuckee Cheese's and I am quite certain that Cory has forever branded himself with the title of FAVORITE UNCLE as he supplied them all with tokens and pizza :)  As we sat eating breakfast this morning, Gary said, "I love Uncle Cory, that was AWESOME!"

Breakfast seems to be the place to interject all sorts of great comments lately, I particularly enjoyed this one by Sam this week,  "hey guys, I read yesterday in the Book of Mormon about these evil people that think they are perfect enough to pray once a week." Sometimes things make perfect sense when seen through the eyes of an 8 year old :)

This week, I had another poem sitting on the fridge, begging to be memorized by the kids....soon they came to me one by one and had it memorized!  I thought the following picture was fitting for the poem!

And now it will be even cuter when you watch this :0

Life is Good!

Felt a tinge of Regret!

Every once in a while I put a poem or a scripture on the fridge and offer the kids a small reward if they memorize it.  Two days ago, I put up one of President Monson's (EVERYDAY I am more thankful to know that there is a Prophet!) favorites!

I have wept in the night

For the Shortness of sight

That to somebody's needs made me blind;

But I never have yet

Felt a tinge of Regret

For being a little too kind.  

I had already memorized the poem, but it kept running through my head, and then I started to wonder what  my regrets were, and then I started to make a list, and then.....The BLOG!  So, as a matter of full disclosure!  Here it goes!

*I REGRET that I didn't befriend Theresea in Grade school, to stand by and watch must surely be as bad as participating!

*I REGRET that I ever spent ONE minute watching Beverly Hills 90210 or 7th Heaven....Don't Judge!

*I REGRET not reading my scriptures enough in college thus preventing untold STUPIDITY!

*I REGRET not keeping better track of my High School Friends.

*I REGRET not getting to know my Grandma Foster better.  The more I know of her, the more I want to be like her!

* I REGRET ever sitting on the couch while my mom was working (granted, I never would have sat on the couch, but I would have been a better person for it).

* I REGRET not taking cooking classes in College!

* I REGRET yelling at the Firth Volleyball Coach, and receiving a yellow card (yes, two separate incidents).

*I REGRET not doing Family History while I was single and had a bit more time.

*I REGRET buying light tan carpet....I regret CARPET!

*I REGRET not going to the temple AT LEAST once a week while I lived in the same town!

*I REGRET not SINGING OUT (for fear of embarrassment) when I had my solo in DARN YANKEES!

* I REGRET losing THREE MONTHS of my life in LA-LA Land (otherwise known as engagement)!

*I REGRET not keeping better track of my Bolton nieces and nephews!  That is changing!

*I REGRET bemoaning one SINGLE second of my life due to my SINGLE STATUS in college, and hanging out mindlessly... When I could have been devouring C.S. Lewis, Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, David McCullough....

*I REGRET that when the cute girl on the plane ride to Alabama asked me why I was reading the Book of Mormon, and what it was, that I didn't ANSWER right and Testify, and possibly change her life FOREVER!

*I REGRET treating each pregnancy like a 9 month All You Can Eat Buffet!

* I REGRET not getting to know Allison Batt and Jenn Derr better at Utah State

*Finally, I REGRET ever holding a grudge, prejudging, or saying a mean word to my sisters :) (and everyone else:)

So I've Been Thinking....2/24/13

This week my Sam turned 8!  That is a special birthday for us....next Saturday is his baptism!  All are invited!  When our kids turn eight we give them a journal and encourage them to start writing!  This was Sam's first entry:

He is a kid of MANY talents....his intellectual ability will surpass mine within about 3 years I am quite sure of it, and I will no longer be able to teach him piano lessons in probably 2.  He is a JOY in our home.  Sometimes I catch myself staring at his JAW and the way his hair lays flat and curls in this one particular point and I SEE his Grandpa FOSTER, and then I cry!  We will be taught by him, that is for sure!

This week was also the last week of basketball.  It has been a year full of sports for us this year, and our kids have learned some great things from it, but next year will not be quite the same, sports will be limited.  I found myself getting SO IRRITABLE when I had to drive up to the Fairgrounds 5 times a week, WISHING for some more time at home, and realizing we were rushing through FAMILY to get to the COURT.  It simply was not worth it for me.  My kids will never be PROFESSIONAL anythings :)  I am okay with that.  I want them to be good at being a family.  I won't be okay with myself if I let that opportunity slip away sitting on the sidelines!

Last night Jared and I went to the Adult Session of Stake Conference.  This is one of the BEST meetings all year long!  I find myself receiving specific inspiration as LOCAL LEADERS talk.  Once again I am reminded of the TRUST and RESPECT the LORD has for local leaders!  Brother Leavitt (the Stk. Young Men's President's) talk was GENIUS!  He framed the programs of the Church (Faith in God, Personal Progress....) as gifts to our family.  President Frehner's talk was DIRECT and AWESOME!   I love it when people can talk principles without fearing personal backlash (once again, it reminded me of Joe!)

We are so EXCITED for the upcoming week!  An Aunt, Cousins, Grandmas, and a Baptism....how could life get any better :)

P.S.  This week I got to go to Smart and Final and Business Costco, Shopping, All by myself....my life is complete!

I knew it, but now I get it.

So I was reading Jane Eyre last night...it has only been on my reading list for approximately a decade...and I have started it five different times, but this time I am going to finish.  The first chapter has always been a bit much for me to take, a little girl being beaten by a boy, with no adult to protect, that is a dark place for me.

But last night, in chapter 4 (yes!  I am in chapter 4!) something clicked for me in a way that made me TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!  Jane, receives news that she finally gets to leave the prison she has had to call home, and has just a few minutes in which to express her TRUE feelings to her awful aunt.  So she does, with great clarity, emotion, and biting sharpness, she delivers a well deserved rebuke!  And then, minutes later, In her own words.....

"when half an hour's silence and reflection had shown me the madness of my conduct, and dreariness of my hated and hating position.
Something of vengeance I had tasted for the first time; as aromatic as wine it seemed, on swallowing, warm and racy; it's after-flavor, metallic and corroding, gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned."

It was at this point that a scripture immediately came to the forefront of my mind...."not that which goeth into the mouth defileth but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man."......I thought I knew what that meant, but now I got it!  I really GOT IT!

Because I've been there......the quick beautifully crafted response, the fleeting victory, and finally the realization that nobody's words can hurt me as badly as my own! 

Now onto Chapter 5!  

So....I've Been Thinking 2/17/13

This week we were sitting down at the dinner table when out of the complete blue Sam says, "Mom, I just don't get it, why couldn't we come to earth if Adam and Eve didn't eat the fruit."  It took a small second for me to register what he was saying, because two seconds prior to this, we were talking basketball, homework, and the bully on the playground.

Before I could even form a response in my head, I blurted out, "What do you think Sam?"  To which Ally started quoting scriptures and singing Primary songs, and before I knew it, the question had been answered, with absolutely no assistance from your truly :)  It seems to me that these kids were pre-wired.  They know more than me, they are more eager than I ever was, and they are GOOD!  I love being a mom!

I NEVER thought I would enjoy being a part of the Relief Society as much as I do right now.  When I was in Young Women's and we were tying quilts while the boys were rafting rivers, I LONGED for the river!  I never thought that 3 hour long conversations about morning routines and deviled eggs would capture my attention.  And yet, it does, as it did last week.

I am honestly surrounded by some of the BEST WOMEN this entire world has to offer.  Some are old, some are young, some are my age, it really doesn't matter.  Some are single, some divorced, some married with a million kids like me, it really doesn't matter.  When I am with them, I feel like I have the support group of 10,000!  The Lord has blessed me in so many ways, just by being part of a Relief Society.

Last General Conference Elder Ballard asked us to start each day with a simple prayer.....to know how we could help someone feel Heavenly Father's love for them each day.  I have been doing this, and the PRAYER is answered EVERY DAY!  It is pretty cool.

On Friday, Jared and I went on a walk (ALL ALONE, it was heaven for one hour).  The weather was BEAUTIFUL, consequently, my little friend ARDEN (when I say little, I mean LITTLE, she is more than twice as old as me, and comes to my waist :) was sitting on her front porch.  We stopped by and began talking.

It was clear to me that something was bothering her...When I probe, she usually responds, And I like to Probe :)  She was mad at George (her late husband), he had left her all alone to take care of a 100 year old house, with 40 year old shutters, and a wood awning that was in desperate need of replacement.   My prayer had been answered :)  I have a very able husband who is always willing :)  When we left Arden said, "You have no idea how glad I am that you decided to take a walk today and I decided to sit on my porch!

Life is good!  Excited to see what the next week holds!

And Just How Would My Life Be Different?

I have had a less than stellar week.  Less than Stellar makes it sound like Mary Poppins, when in reality, we were not dealing with Mary Poppins at all, but the Wicked Witch of the West.  For Reals.  I could tell things were spiraling down hill as I am saying in my loudest voice possible, "Sam!  We don't solve our problems by yelling."  That was brilliant.

But, it all came to a screeching climax last night.  It just so happened that Ally had a Basketball game and the LOVELIEST version of me was in attendance.  I tried to politely make conversation with my Saint of a friend that was sitting next to me, because nothing on the court was improving my mood.  However, the conversation had to come to an end because my occasional yelling outbursts were upsetting her baby (sweetest baby ever) and he would cry every time I raised my voice.  So I tried not to raise my voice (remember...we don't solve problems by yelling) and think happy thoughts.  It didn't work.

The minute the van door was closed and we were alone, it all came gushing forth.  "Ally, do you really think they are going to pass you the ball when you stand in one place and don't move? They're not."  "Do think it is cool to fake like your ankle hurts and limp?  It's not."  "Is it really necessary to scream/screech every time your teammate makes a basket?  It's not..............."

By the time every kid was tucked into bed that night, the climax had ended and I was left with....what is always left.  YUCK.  Did I really just yell at my kid for doing bad in a basketball game.....I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT BASKETBALL!  In fact, basketball bugs me A LOT.  Did I really just tell her that nobody is going to pass her the ball?  When in fact it was me whose father said, and I quote, "Kathryn, you really shouldn't play basketball, you are embarrassing the family name."  All I ever wanted was good kids who made good choices, (tears), and now I have ruined their self esteem (more tears) I am a horrible mother (weeping).....Can you see where this is headed?

I finally knelt down and said one long prayer with lots of  "please forgive me and help me to be betters."  As I climbed into bed, a scene flashed through my mind.

I believe I was in college, and I was talking to a great friend.  We were discussing religion.  I was asking him about his beliefs on the Godhead and somehow we ended up on this question.  I said, "So what do you think happened in the Garden of Gethsemane?"  And as we climbed into the pick up truck, he looked at me and said, "What is the Garden of Gethsemane?   I have no idea what you are talking about."

Sometimes I ask myself, "What if the phrase "Garden of Gethsemane" was removed from my vocabulary?  Just how would my life be different?  On days like today, I find the answer!  EVERYTHING would be different.  Without it, there is no hope, there is only regret.  There is no forgiveness, only guilt.  There is no happiness, only YUCK!

Tonight, I go to bed Grateful.  Grateful that my life is not different, I know about the Garden, the Garden of Gethsemane.    

Red Letter Days!

Last Friday the Bolton Clan piled into our van a midst bags and bags of hand-me-down clothes and coolers full of food.  We were headed for Clifton, ID-home of my oldest sister, JoDee and her family....returning late Sunday night without the bags and empty coolers.

During our quick visit we had time for a shopping trip to IKEA (yeah!), a varsity basketball game (starring Freshman Addie), a broken ankle (praying for Shane), a THROWDOWN (Seattle Style), a horrific snowstorm, and lots of cousin bonding.

The main event, however, took place Sunday morning, when as a very large family, we made our way to church to hear JD (the oldest grandson, and the first out of three Joseph's) talk before leaving for his mission as ELDER COOK to the WASHINGTON, SEATTLE mission!

That short hour, sitting in the chapel pews, surrounded by family and taking the sacrament, was transformative for me.

From the moment the opening hymn began, my heart seemed to explode.  PRAISE TO THE MAN WHO COMMUNED WITH JEHOVAH...millions shall know brother Joseph again.  It was as if I could see the big picture for just a brief second.  I could feel the URGENCY of the CAUSE, the ABSOLUTE TRUTHFULNESS of the message, and the KNOWLEDGE that I, JD, and everyone in our family had a part to play in this final war of wars.

JD's thoughts sunk deep into my heart, a message of love, that is how Christ will fight His Battle.  I always tell Jared that the difference between a Pre-Elder and a Post-Elder is the ability to speak.  The farewell is filled with "um's" and "so's".  The return is filled with testimony.

Not so with JD.  We were taught.  As he sat down, I couldn't help but marvel at the job that JoDee and LaWrell have done in creating a life where the Gospel Governs.  I was proud and hopeful that one day soon we would be singing Praise to the Man with an even bigger family, and stronger testimonies, right here in little Overton.

So JD, in parting, Grandpa would like you to know...."Obedience and hard work, the rest is just rhetoric!"

The Bolton's Love You!