As I was pondering what I should be fasting about this Fast Sunday I kept thinking about how BAD I wanted to have the Christmas Spirit in my home this year. No fighting, secret Santa's sneaking through the house, Christmas music wafting, that "It can't get any better than this" feeling. That is how I remember my Childhood Christmases and I wanted to leave my kids with the exact same memories. Then the Flashback came.....
I was probably a Freshman in high school and my Young Woman's leader had given me an advent that required me to look up one scripture each night and learn a little more about the Savior's life. I was really excited. My youth was filled with Grand and Glorious plans. This would be the exact equation to really get me in the Christmas Spirit.
Well before I knew it, there I was on Christmas Eve, all of the festivities had been accomplished, and yet I still had a bit of an empty feeling. Around 11 p.m. I found myself sitting on a twin bed in the upstairs bedroom looking at that list and vowing to get it done before the day was over. I think I fell asleep around scripture #3. And the year 1991 passed without really understanding what Christmas was all about.
I don't think that even if I did finish the ENTIRE list that night, I would have instantaneously been filled with that Spirit I knew was missing. I think I have finally figured out Why. God doesn't work with INSTANTANEOUS, God is the MASTER at working with PROCESS.
Let me explain. Years ago, 5 to be exact, Jared was called into the Bishopric and I was left to occupy a small bench ALONE with 2 very strong willed children. It was a NIGHTMARE! The nightmare grew as child 3 came along. I remember having lessons on REVERENCE in Relief Society and people giving me all kinds of tips. I heard everything from , "You just have to be an example...they will follow" to "For as long as they are irreverent in church, you make them sit still on a chair with their arms folded at home."
Well I tried it all. And nothing worked. Then the perfect lesson came along and my heart was just soft enough to receive the answer. I don't remember who said it, or if it was from a manual, but this was the point....."Reverence is a result of what happens at home." It is against every child's nature to do something for 3 hours that they haven't been taught or felt during the rest of the week.
As much as I knew this was the right answer, it wasn't the answer I was hoping for, no quick fix....In fact, it was down right scary. I have always wondered why Laman and Lemuel feared and trembled when they found out the Liahona worked with their steady simple obedience and now I knew. It is scary to think that so much depends upon the SMALL SLOW STEADY processes that are at work every day in our lives. It is much easier to go looking for a QUICK FIX, one that requires work, but can be accomplished within, oh let's say 90 days guaranteed.
God knows that it is in the PROCESS we are truly converted. The struggle purifies our hearts and makes it much less likely that we will return to old ways. I have come to know that the Christmas Spirit is something that happens day in and day out. It will not come when we put the lights on the tree or wrap presents while watching White Christmas (which Jared and I did last night - DELIGHTFUL). It comes slowly and almost unnoticed.
Last Conference President Uchtdorf said, "(WE) remain waiting for the Christ to be given to (us) like a magnificent Carl Bloch painting—to remove once and for all (our) doubts and fears.
The truth is, those who diligently seek to learn of Christ eventually will come to know Him. They will personally receive a divine portrait of the Master, although it most often comes in the form of a puzzle—one piece at a time. Each individual piece may not be easily recognizable by itself; it may not be clear how it relates to the whole. Each piece helps us to see the big picture a little more clearly. Eventually, after enough pieces have been put together, we recognize the grand beauty of it all. Then, looking back on our experience, we see that the Savior had indeed come to be with us—not all at once but quietly, gently, almost unnoticed."
I think this is the time of year I start to notice...how many pieces of the puzzle I figured out during the year. Some years I can see some pieces and others, well, I find myself sitting on my bed at 11 p.m......waiting...and eventually falling asleep :)
