So I was reading Jane Eyre last night...it has only been on my reading list for approximately a decade...and I have started it five different times, but this time I am going to finish. The first chapter has always been a bit much for me to take, a little girl being beaten by a boy, with no adult to protect, that is a dark place for me.
But last night, in chapter 4 (yes! I am in chapter 4!) something clicked for me in a way that made me TOTALLY UNDERSTAND! Jane, receives news that she finally gets to leave the prison she has had to call home, and has just a few minutes in which to express her TRUE feelings to her awful aunt. So she does, with great clarity, emotion, and biting sharpness, she delivers a well deserved rebuke! And then, minutes later, In her own words.....
"when half an hour's silence and reflection had shown me the madness of my conduct, and dreariness of my hated and hating position.
Something of vengeance I had tasted for the first time; as aromatic as wine it seemed, on swallowing, warm and racy; it's after-flavor, metallic and corroding, gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned."
It was at this point that a scripture immediately came to the forefront of my mind...."not that which goeth into the mouth defileth but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man."......I thought I knew what that meant, but now I got it! I really GOT IT!
Because I've been there......the quick beautifully crafted response, the fleeting victory, and finally the realization that nobody's words can hurt me as badly as my own!
Now onto Chapter 5!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
So....I've Been Thinking 2/17/13
This week we were sitting down at the dinner table when out of the complete blue Sam says, "Mom, I just don't get it, why couldn't we come to earth if Adam and Eve didn't eat the fruit." It took a small second for me to register what he was saying, because two seconds prior to this, we were talking basketball, homework, and the bully on the playground.
Before I could even form a response in my head, I blurted out, "What do you think Sam?" To which Ally started quoting scriptures and singing Primary songs, and before I knew it, the question had been answered, with absolutely no assistance from your truly :) It seems to me that these kids were pre-wired. They know more than me, they are more eager than I ever was, and they are GOOD! I love being a mom!
I NEVER thought I would enjoy being a part of the Relief Society as much as I do right now. When I was in Young Women's and we were tying quilts while the boys were rafting rivers, I LONGED for the river! I never thought that 3 hour long conversations about morning routines and deviled eggs would capture my attention. And yet, it does, as it did last week.
I am honestly surrounded by some of the BEST WOMEN this entire world has to offer. Some are old, some are young, some are my age, it really doesn't matter. Some are single, some divorced, some married with a million kids like me, it really doesn't matter. When I am with them, I feel like I have the support group of 10,000! The Lord has blessed me in so many ways, just by being part of a Relief Society.
Last General Conference Elder Ballard asked us to start each day with a simple prayer.....to know how we could help someone feel Heavenly Father's love for them each day. I have been doing this, and the PRAYER is answered EVERY DAY! It is pretty cool.
On Friday, Jared and I went on a walk (ALL ALONE, it was heaven for one hour). The weather was BEAUTIFUL, consequently, my little friend ARDEN (when I say little, I mean LITTLE, she is more than twice as old as me, and comes to my waist :) was sitting on her front porch. We stopped by and began talking.
It was clear to me that something was bothering her...When I probe, she usually responds, And I like to Probe :) She was mad at George (her late husband), he had left her all alone to take care of a 100 year old house, with 40 year old shutters, and a wood awning that was in desperate need of replacement. My prayer had been answered :) I have a very able husband who is always willing :) When we left Arden said, "You have no idea how glad I am that you decided to take a walk today and I decided to sit on my porch!
Life is good! Excited to see what the next week holds!
Before I could even form a response in my head, I blurted out, "What do you think Sam?" To which Ally started quoting scriptures and singing Primary songs, and before I knew it, the question had been answered, with absolutely no assistance from your truly :) It seems to me that these kids were pre-wired. They know more than me, they are more eager than I ever was, and they are GOOD! I love being a mom!
I NEVER thought I would enjoy being a part of the Relief Society as much as I do right now. When I was in Young Women's and we were tying quilts while the boys were rafting rivers, I LONGED for the river! I never thought that 3 hour long conversations about morning routines and deviled eggs would capture my attention. And yet, it does, as it did last week.
I am honestly surrounded by some of the BEST WOMEN this entire world has to offer. Some are old, some are young, some are my age, it really doesn't matter. Some are single, some divorced, some married with a million kids like me, it really doesn't matter. When I am with them, I feel like I have the support group of 10,000! The Lord has blessed me in so many ways, just by being part of a Relief Society.
Last General Conference Elder Ballard asked us to start each day with a simple prayer.....to know how we could help someone feel Heavenly Father's love for them each day. I have been doing this, and the PRAYER is answered EVERY DAY! It is pretty cool.
On Friday, Jared and I went on a walk (ALL ALONE, it was heaven for one hour). The weather was BEAUTIFUL, consequently, my little friend ARDEN (when I say little, I mean LITTLE, she is more than twice as old as me, and comes to my waist :) was sitting on her front porch. We stopped by and began talking.
It was clear to me that something was bothering her...When I probe, she usually responds, And I like to Probe :) She was mad at George (her late husband), he had left her all alone to take care of a 100 year old house, with 40 year old shutters, and a wood awning that was in desperate need of replacement. My prayer had been answered :) I have a very able husband who is always willing :) When we left Arden said, "You have no idea how glad I am that you decided to take a walk today and I decided to sit on my porch!
Life is good! Excited to see what the next week holds!
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