I knew it, but now I get it.

So I was reading Jane Eyre last night...it has only been on my reading list for approximately a decade...and I have started it five different times, but this time I am going to finish.  The first chapter has always been a bit much for me to take, a little girl being beaten by a boy, with no adult to protect, that is a dark place for me.

But last night, in chapter 4 (yes!  I am in chapter 4!) something clicked for me in a way that made me TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!  Jane, receives news that she finally gets to leave the prison she has had to call home, and has just a few minutes in which to express her TRUE feelings to her awful aunt.  So she does, with great clarity, emotion, and biting sharpness, she delivers a well deserved rebuke!  And then, minutes later, In her own words.....

"when half an hour's silence and reflection had shown me the madness of my conduct, and dreariness of my hated and hating position.
Something of vengeance I had tasted for the first time; as aromatic as wine it seemed, on swallowing, warm and racy; it's after-flavor, metallic and corroding, gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned."

It was at this point that a scripture immediately came to the forefront of my mind...."not that which goeth into the mouth defileth but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man."......I thought I knew what that meant, but now I got it!  I really GOT IT!

Because I've been there......the quick beautifully crafted response, the fleeting victory, and finally the realization that nobody's words can hurt me as badly as my own! 

Now onto Chapter 5!