Tonight, there is a ward party!  Ward parties inevitably remind me of my dad.  He LOVED them.  He said that the first thing he did as a Bishop was call a great Activities Chairman (Nikki Reynolds:)  What he liked the most about ward parties was sitting at the end of one of those long tables and talking (potlucks scared him, the food was never the main event)....we always ended up sitting by the Christensen's, cause duh, they are REALLY fun to talk to!

This Thursday marked THREE years from the day that my dad died.  This blog has acted as my therapy, my memory recorder, and my link from him to my kids.  Silly words can never really convey the feeling you got when you were with him.  He made you feel important, smart, empowered, and humbled, all with a GLANCE.  Strangely enough, I still have those feelings in quite moments.....the thoughts will float through me, "I proud of you sweetheart,  I love you."  And, Yes, the kiss on the cheek and side squeeze around the waist is missing, but the feeling is still there.  More often than not, I know he is there.  Like I have said before, our little family is GRANDPA-less, but we are certainly not HOPE-less :)

Two weeks ago Sam was baptized by his dad!  I woke up that morning with a scripture on my mind, that stayed with me through the rest of the day:

"Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness is manifest." Doctrine and Covenants 84:20

So throughout the day, I watched, and watched, looking for how this first saving ordinance could be so life changing, so manifesting, of God's power. And in His perfectly organized fashion, I saw it!  The Priesthood of God has truly been restored to the Earth, and by its power, ordinances are performed that we may one day live with Him again!

Life is GREAT!  We have good kids, we have great parents, we are surrounded by the best people this world has to offer!  Pretty lucky we are!

Farewell!  It's time to curl my hair....there is a ward party tonight!

We have had a great week.  The last several months we have had several opportunities to be with family...which is always the best place to be.  Yesterday found us with Uncle Cory and Aunt Michelle and the gilrs in Las Vegas.

Michelle and I got to spend the day in the temple!  As we sat there, and I thought of how much I liked this family, a quote popped promptly into my head....all of those who know her will find it quite fitting!

Jared, Cory, and the kids went to Chuckee Cheese's and I am quite certain that Cory has forever branded himself with the title of FAVORITE UNCLE as he supplied them all with tokens and pizza :)  As we sat eating breakfast this morning, Gary said, "I love Uncle Cory, that was AWESOME!"

Breakfast seems to be the place to interject all sorts of great comments lately, I particularly enjoyed this one by Sam this week,  "hey guys, I read yesterday in the Book of Mormon about these evil people that think they are perfect enough to pray once a week." Sometimes things make perfect sense when seen through the eyes of an 8 year old :)

This week, I had another poem sitting on the fridge, begging to be memorized by the kids....soon they came to me one by one and had it memorized!  I thought the following picture was fitting for the poem!

And now it will be even cuter when you watch this :0

Life is Good!

Felt a tinge of Regret!

Every once in a while I put a poem or a scripture on the fridge and offer the kids a small reward if they memorize it.  Two days ago, I put up one of President Monson's (EVERYDAY I am more thankful to know that there is a Prophet!) favorites!

I have wept in the night

For the Shortness of sight

That to somebody's needs made me blind;

But I never have yet

Felt a tinge of Regret

For being a little too kind.  

I had already memorized the poem, but it kept running through my head, and then I started to wonder what  my regrets were, and then I started to make a list, and then.....The BLOG!  So, as a matter of full disclosure!  Here it goes!

*I REGRET that I didn't befriend Theresea in Grade school, to stand by and watch must surely be as bad as participating!

*I REGRET that I ever spent ONE minute watching Beverly Hills 90210 or 7th Heaven....Don't Judge!

*I REGRET not reading my scriptures enough in college thus preventing untold STUPIDITY!

*I REGRET not keeping better track of my High School Friends.

*I REGRET not getting to know my Grandma Foster better.  The more I know of her, the more I want to be like her!

* I REGRET ever sitting on the couch while my mom was working (granted, I never would have sat on the couch, but I would have been a better person for it).

* I REGRET not taking cooking classes in College!

* I REGRET yelling at the Firth Volleyball Coach, and receiving a yellow card (yes, two separate incidents).

*I REGRET not doing Family History while I was single and had a bit more time.

*I REGRET buying light tan carpet....I regret CARPET!

*I REGRET not going to the temple AT LEAST once a week while I lived in the same town!

*I REGRET not SINGING OUT (for fear of embarrassment) when I had my solo in DARN YANKEES!

* I REGRET losing THREE MONTHS of my life in LA-LA Land (otherwise known as engagement)!

*I REGRET not keeping better track of my Bolton nieces and nephews!  That is changing!

*I REGRET bemoaning one SINGLE second of my life due to my SINGLE STATUS in college, and hanging out mindlessly... When I could have been devouring C.S. Lewis, Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, David McCullough....

*I REGRET that when the cute girl on the plane ride to Alabama asked me why I was reading the Book of Mormon, and what it was, that I didn't ANSWER right and Testify, and possibly change her life FOREVER!

*I REGRET treating each pregnancy like a 9 month All You Can Eat Buffet!

* I REGRET not getting to know Allison Batt and Jenn Derr better at Utah State

*Finally, I REGRET ever holding a grudge, prejudging, or saying a mean word to my sisters :) (and everyone else:)

So I've Been Thinking....2/24/13

This week my Sam turned 8!  That is a special birthday for us....next Saturday is his baptism!  All are invited!  When our kids turn eight we give them a journal and encourage them to start writing!  This was Sam's first entry:

He is a kid of MANY talents....his intellectual ability will surpass mine within about 3 years I am quite sure of it, and I will no longer be able to teach him piano lessons in probably 2.  He is a JOY in our home.  Sometimes I catch myself staring at his JAW and the way his hair lays flat and curls in this one particular point and I SEE his Grandpa FOSTER, and then I cry!  We will be taught by him, that is for sure!

This week was also the last week of basketball.  It has been a year full of sports for us this year, and our kids have learned some great things from it, but next year will not be quite the same, sports will be limited.  I found myself getting SO IRRITABLE when I had to drive up to the Fairgrounds 5 times a week, WISHING for some more time at home, and realizing we were rushing through FAMILY to get to the COURT.  It simply was not worth it for me.  My kids will never be PROFESSIONAL anythings :)  I am okay with that.  I want them to be good at being a family.  I won't be okay with myself if I let that opportunity slip away sitting on the sidelines!

Last night Jared and I went to the Adult Session of Stake Conference.  This is one of the BEST meetings all year long!  I find myself receiving specific inspiration as LOCAL LEADERS talk.  Once again I am reminded of the TRUST and RESPECT the LORD has for local leaders!  Brother Leavitt (the Stk. Young Men's President's) talk was GENIUS!  He framed the programs of the Church (Faith in God, Personal Progress....) as gifts to our family.  President Frehner's talk was DIRECT and AWESOME!   I love it when people can talk principles without fearing personal backlash (once again, it reminded me of Joe!)

We are so EXCITED for the upcoming week!  An Aunt, Cousins, Grandmas, and a Baptism....how could life get any better :)

P.S.  This week I got to go to Smart and Final and Business Costco, Shopping, All by myself....my life is complete!

I knew it, but now I get it.

So I was reading Jane Eyre last night...it has only been on my reading list for approximately a decade...and I have started it five different times, but this time I am going to finish.  The first chapter has always been a bit much for me to take, a little girl being beaten by a boy, with no adult to protect, that is a dark place for me.

But last night, in chapter 4 (yes!  I am in chapter 4!) something clicked for me in a way that made me TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!  Jane, receives news that she finally gets to leave the prison she has had to call home, and has just a few minutes in which to express her TRUE feelings to her awful aunt.  So she does, with great clarity, emotion, and biting sharpness, she delivers a well deserved rebuke!  And then, minutes later, In her own words.....

"when half an hour's silence and reflection had shown me the madness of my conduct, and dreariness of my hated and hating position.
Something of vengeance I had tasted for the first time; as aromatic as wine it seemed, on swallowing, warm and racy; it's after-flavor, metallic and corroding, gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned."

It was at this point that a scripture immediately came to the forefront of my mind...."not that which goeth into the mouth defileth but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man."......I thought I knew what that meant, but now I got it!  I really GOT IT!

Because I've been there......the quick beautifully crafted response, the fleeting victory, and finally the realization that nobody's words can hurt me as badly as my own! 

Now onto Chapter 5!  

So....I've Been Thinking 2/17/13

This week we were sitting down at the dinner table when out of the complete blue Sam says, "Mom, I just don't get it, why couldn't we come to earth if Adam and Eve didn't eat the fruit."  It took a small second for me to register what he was saying, because two seconds prior to this, we were talking basketball, homework, and the bully on the playground.

Before I could even form a response in my head, I blurted out, "What do you think Sam?"  To which Ally started quoting scriptures and singing Primary songs, and before I knew it, the question had been answered, with absolutely no assistance from your truly :)  It seems to me that these kids were pre-wired.  They know more than me, they are more eager than I ever was, and they are GOOD!  I love being a mom!

I NEVER thought I would enjoy being a part of the Relief Society as much as I do right now.  When I was in Young Women's and we were tying quilts while the boys were rafting rivers, I LONGED for the river!  I never thought that 3 hour long conversations about morning routines and deviled eggs would capture my attention.  And yet, it does, as it did last week.

I am honestly surrounded by some of the BEST WOMEN this entire world has to offer.  Some are old, some are young, some are my age, it really doesn't matter.  Some are single, some divorced, some married with a million kids like me, it really doesn't matter.  When I am with them, I feel like I have the support group of 10,000!  The Lord has blessed me in so many ways, just by being part of a Relief Society.

Last General Conference Elder Ballard asked us to start each day with a simple prayer.....to know how we could help someone feel Heavenly Father's love for them each day.  I have been doing this, and the PRAYER is answered EVERY DAY!  It is pretty cool.

On Friday, Jared and I went on a walk (ALL ALONE, it was heaven for one hour).  The weather was BEAUTIFUL, consequently, my little friend ARDEN (when I say little, I mean LITTLE, she is more than twice as old as me, and comes to my waist :) was sitting on her front porch.  We stopped by and began talking.

It was clear to me that something was bothering her...When I probe, she usually responds, And I like to Probe :)  She was mad at George (her late husband), he had left her all alone to take care of a 100 year old house, with 40 year old shutters, and a wood awning that was in desperate need of replacement.   My prayer had been answered :)  I have a very able husband who is always willing :)  When we left Arden said, "You have no idea how glad I am that you decided to take a walk today and I decided to sit on my porch!

Life is good!  Excited to see what the next week holds!

And Just How Would My Life Be Different?

I have had a less than stellar week.  Less than Stellar makes it sound like Mary Poppins, when in reality, we were not dealing with Mary Poppins at all, but the Wicked Witch of the West.  For Reals.  I could tell things were spiraling down hill as I am saying in my loudest voice possible, "Sam!  We don't solve our problems by yelling."  That was brilliant.

But, it all came to a screeching climax last night.  It just so happened that Ally had a Basketball game and the LOVELIEST version of me was in attendance.  I tried to politely make conversation with my Saint of a friend that was sitting next to me, because nothing on the court was improving my mood.  However, the conversation had to come to an end because my occasional yelling outbursts were upsetting her baby (sweetest baby ever) and he would cry every time I raised my voice.  So I tried not to raise my voice (remember...we don't solve problems by yelling) and think happy thoughts.  It didn't work.

The minute the van door was closed and we were alone, it all came gushing forth.  "Ally, do you really think they are going to pass you the ball when you stand in one place and don't move? They're not."  "Do think it is cool to fake like your ankle hurts and limp?  It's not."  "Is it really necessary to scream/screech every time your teammate makes a basket?  It's not..............."

By the time every kid was tucked into bed that night, the climax had ended and I was left with....what is always left.  YUCK.  Did I really just yell at my kid for doing bad in a basketball game.....I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT BASKETBALL!  In fact, basketball bugs me A LOT.  Did I really just tell her that nobody is going to pass her the ball?  When in fact it was me whose father said, and I quote, "Kathryn, you really shouldn't play basketball, you are embarrassing the family name."  All I ever wanted was good kids who made good choices, (tears), and now I have ruined their self esteem (more tears) I am a horrible mother (weeping).....Can you see where this is headed?

I finally knelt down and said one long prayer with lots of  "please forgive me and help me to be betters."  As I climbed into bed, a scene flashed through my mind.

I believe I was in college, and I was talking to a great friend.  We were discussing religion.  I was asking him about his beliefs on the Godhead and somehow we ended up on this question.  I said, "So what do you think happened in the Garden of Gethsemane?"  And as we climbed into the pick up truck, he looked at me and said, "What is the Garden of Gethsemane?   I have no idea what you are talking about."

Sometimes I ask myself, "What if the phrase "Garden of Gethsemane" was removed from my vocabulary?  Just how would my life be different?  On days like today, I find the answer!  EVERYTHING would be different.  Without it, there is no hope, there is only regret.  There is no forgiveness, only guilt.  There is no happiness, only YUCK!

Tonight, I go to bed Grateful.  Grateful that my life is not different, I know about the Garden, the Garden of Gethsemane.