Trail of Despair

Last night I got home a bit late from a meeting (when I say late, I really mean to say 8:45 p.m.).  Anyhow, the entire household was already asleep and I was not ready for that......so I fired up the computer and started to check out the usual Sunday night Blogs to catch up on everyone's lives. 
I opened my sister's and sitting at the top was a piture of my dad and mom.  I immediately felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me.  For a brief second it hit me that it has been a REALLY long time since I have seen my dad or called and heard his voice on the other end.  OHHH,  I ached!  Then I pursed my lips, swallowed hard, and squinted.  This is what I do when I want to prevent the flow of tears and the journey down the TRAIL of DESPAIR. 
It starts like this.  No, he will not be sitting in his green lawn chair with his straw hat on when I pull up to Bear Lake this summer, No he will not call on my birthday, say "Happy Birthday Kathern," shortly followed by "Birthdays are just another day."  No he will not offer just the right piece of advice the next time I call and explain all my problems to him.  No NO NO!  The trail could last forever, but it doesn't.  Faith eventually wins out.  Jared eventually says, "Kathryn, your dad was so GOOD.  You could never have asked for more."  I eventually hear myself saying, "Things could be worse."  That was the case last night and then a memory flashed into my mind. 
I was home for a brief visit.  The phone rings.  My dad answers and this is what I hear.  "Now hold On!  Okay Calm down, Calm Down!  JUST CALM DOWN!  (brief pause)  Now listen, if he is going to have a disease, it is really a pretty good one to have." 
That last comment has to leave a person wondering.  On the other end of the line was one of his former students.  She was calling for advice.  Her husband had just been diagnosed with kidney failure.  The exact disease that my dad would suffer with for 30 years, 3 transplants, surgery after surgery, sickness after sickness......but "if he is going to have a disease, it is really a pretty good one to have." 
I went to bed last night saying to myself, "If I am going to have a trial, the death of THE BEST DAD, with sealing ties, knowledge of eternal life, a grand plan always in view.....this trial is a pretty good one to have.