A Note of Disclosure

Politics stirs something inside of me.  I can be having a completely normal day with an adequate amount of self control weighing in my balance, and then it happens....I hear the news, my heart starts to race (literally), my throat tightens and the WAR begins.

My grown-up, more restrained (don't laugh) self goes into battle against my Senior in high school self who sat directly in the middle of Mr. Issac's government class, just waiting for the teacher, classmate to say ANYTHING that could possibly turn into a debate.  I LOVED a GOOD debate.  But times have changed, and debating only leaves me with a pit in the bottom of my stomach.  I consider it sheer DIVINE INTERVENTION that Facebook was not invented during my teenage years.   Now only Mr. Issac's class and a few others get to remember me that way :)

However, because the issues have been occupying a lot of my thoughts as of late (and this blog is supposed to be about my thoughts) I thought it would only be appropriate for me to disclose who I am voting for......WAIT FOR IT........I know you will never guess.........Romney and Ryan (that has a nice ring to it :)

As of late, that stirring that I referred to earlier has been more frequent.  I like Romney, and when someone insults him, I take it PERSONALLY.  It reminds me of that quote in "You've Got Mail" when Joe Fox is trying to explain to Kathleen Kelley that what he did wasn't personal and in desperation she says, "What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's *personal* to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway?" (this is my favorite quote)


I find ANYTHING "Mitt Romney" becoming personal to me.  I think it is very hard to separate Mitt Romney from Mormonism.  And  "I Belong to the Church of Jesus Christ..." When he first started the campaign process, I watched with very critical eyes, looking for a flaw that would find him straying from the standards that Mormons hold dear.  Surely it would come.....he is a politician isn't he?  I have been watching now for over 4 years and my view has not been tainted.  He is a man who holds steadfastly to values.

Here comes the personal part.  Those values, just happen to be the SAME ones I believe in.  I have always wanted someone to ask me this question, "What defines you most as a person?"  Without hesitation....my belief in Jesus Christ and my knowledge that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is His living and true church upon the earth.  


So when anything Mitt Romney is mentioned Mormonism also rings in the air...and then it personal. And what is so wrong with being personal anyway :)  I have never met him.....seen him, but I feel like I know him, because it is personal.  


Now lest you think I have based my voting opinions on his religion alone, I have one more thing to disclose :)  As much as I love members of my own church, I LOVE AMERICA and its future more.  My like for Mitt Romney is PERSONAL, my vote for MItt Romney is Political.  Political in the very purest sense.  Electing someone to Govern and not dictate, inspire not bind, and someone who will once again, let the bells of freedom ring.  Remember....."He died to make men holy, Let us Live to Make Men FREE."  


My soapbox has ended, the stirring has died down, now I will go make some cookies :)

When Life Hangs in the Balance

Today, Jared's Dad passed away.  On Saturday night we received that dreaded phone call....the one that everyone will receive at some point...and just by the sound of the voice on the other end, you know that something Life-Altering has happened, and so you wait and during each long pause you try to build up the courage to TAKE IT...and then you crumble.

Jared's dad was in an accident.  He was found badly wounded, lying in the middle of a forest road, with his horse standing as sentinel.  Nobody knows what happened, where it happened, or when it happened.  Now we will never know.  He was life-lighted to IHC in Murry, UT and placed in intensive care for head and brain trauma.  The next 3 days would prove to be even more life-altering.

If death is ANYTHING, I have found it to be the ultimate teacher.....Tonight I would like to tell you what I have learned this week....

Waiting Rooms (in situations like these) are Hallowed Ground.  They are where families struggle through something hard and ugly and come through it TOGETHER.  The outcome is not always what you would have chosen, but those who lived through the process learn to love those who were willing to live through it with them.     REAL family ties are created in hospital waiting rooms.

When death is near, emotions are as well, and we find ourselves doing things we would not normally do...
Like raiding the closest neighborhood block party when the smell of steak overwhelmingly overpowers the thought of going back to the waiting room to the same Costco cookies that have been there to greet you for the last 24 hours.  (It was one thing to raid the party.....but did they not have enough steak to bring back and share with the rest of us :)  I will never look at Costco cookies the same again.

There are two dimensions in every hospital room.  The first attacks you as you enter the door to see a loved one buried under tubes and machines........this physical dimension is overloaded with charts, beeps, numbers (oh the numbers), scans, monitors....And as you quietly let it all sink in, the second dimension works its way into the picture, it probably starts with silent pleading prayers, transforms into your "gut feelings,"  and ends with peace.....peace that drowns out the numbers, the beeps, the tests.  

When death is near, there are those who would like to be in the "waiting room", but it is simply not an option, so you appoint a messenger of sorts.  Someone who will relay the details. It is best to appoint a WOMAN to this job.  When men attempt to do it....It starts with very few details and ends with even fewer,  but we love Trent :)  because he is always willing to make the CONTACT.

When life hangs in the balance heaven, ever so softly, touches the earth.  And while heaven and earth play their game of tug of war, each trying to tip the scale, there will come a MOMENT.  And in this one moment it becomes absolutely clear that a wise Father in Heaven is holding the scales.  He sees more, He knows more, He will make the final call, and it will be the right one.  

I love Jared's parents, THEY GAVE ME JARED.  I am eternally indebted to them for their willingness to raise a righteous family, who would one day become my own. Tonight Death has taught me once again, that Eternity, Together Forever, is our only option.  The Savior our only Hope.  And FAMILY our greatest ANCHOR.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished!

I have a friend named Jen!  We were Aggies together!  In fact, the first time I remember seeing her was at an Elementary Education Major Meeting.  Everyone was introducing themselves, I remember her standing up, saying her name, and then  all of a sudden we were signing up for clubs with each other.  (Which is really amazing, because I really don't do CLUBS and I am not big on strangers.)  But Jen never felt like a stranger to me, and this week I saw her after 10 long years.  She still didn't feel like a stranger.  No awkward pauses, no gap in time.  I think you know how good a friend is when you can pick up right where you left off, be it 10 years or 2 hours ago.

We have a lot of history in the short couple of years that we knew each other (it was short because she INSISTED on marrying Brad, which I have to admit NOW was a good idea.  At the time, I didn't think it was a very good idea, simply because she left me to deal with singlehood alone.)  I remember as we pulled out of her parents driveway to visit Las Vegas for Spring Break, her mom rushed out with a roll of quarters for both of us.  (Believe me when I say that I have never felt so close to the edge :)  Or the time that I got to use one of their season tickets to the Jazz game and sit right behind Karl Malone and use the same bathroom as John Stockton's wife.  Especially the time when we sat in our Professor's office, wondering why I got a B+ and Jen got an A-.  And the response,  pointing at me "You got a B+ because you deserved it, and Jen, you got an A- because you are friends with her." pointing at me again.....

The friendship was really one sided as you can tell.  Jen did a lot more for me than I could have done for her. I think the one reason I love Jen so much is because, during a time of SELF-ABSORPTION (otherwise known as college) she took a great interest in my life, and my family -What made me - ME!  She still does, she could remember each of my sister's names, where they were, details of their kids, and we talked in length about my parents.  I hope I  can be the same way.

Well, we chatted and ate, and chatted, then when I knew Jared would be waiting for me (we were staying in a hotel in Henderson because Jared had a week long meeting and we came to join him) I rushed home, pulled in the parking spot as quickly as possible, and hurried to get the kids in bed.

In my rush, I pulled into a Handicapped parking spot (totally on accident, I never would have done it, had I realized what I was doing).  After a long night of Daniel screaming for hours on end, I decided to end our little vacation early, do the grocery shopping, and head home.  When we had packed up and headed to the car, we were greeted by a nice pink ticket.

352 DOLLARS for parking in a handicap parking spot.

ARE YOU SERIOUS HENDERSON?  352 dollars?  You are killing.  So from that point on, I want to THROW UP.  But I still have to go to Winco, Costco, Wal Mart, ParTy City, and DSW.  But.....I want to throw up, and I have had 3 very small hours of sleep to go on.

We made it to Winco and I can tell that I am going to lose it.  Every little move that my 5 children made seemed punishable with prison time at this point.  I was trying to be the good mom, but my tongue was on the verge of doing things that, very quickly I would regret.

There is a quote that goes through my head at times like these.  It is from Elder Holland, talking about how Joseph Smith reacted to all of his trials.


It has always been a wonderful testimony to me of the Prophet Joseph’s greatness and the greatness of all of our prophets, including and especially the Savior of the world in His magnificence, that in the midst of such distress and difficulty they could remain calm and patient, charitable and forgiving—that they could even talk that way, let alone live that way. But they could, and they did. They remembered their covenants, they disciplined themselves, and they knew that we must live the gospel at all times, not just when it is convenient and not just when things are going well. Indeed, they knew that the real test of our faith and our Christian discipleship is when things are not going smoothly. That is when we get to see what we’re made of and how strong our commitment to the gospel really is.


So what did I do?  I paid for my groceries, got in the car, got on the Freeway, and headed home.  I knew that it was time to cut my losses before I LOST it all together.  And if I were thinking correctly, the real question, at the time, would have been.....WHO ON EARTH HAS MONEY TO SHOP, WHEN THEY JUST RECEIVED AT $352 PARKING TICKET?????/

Can You Say FOURTEEN?????

So today I took my old scriptures to church.  They are maroon and I LOVE them.  I think that the time period in which I used them, I fell completely in love with studying my scriptures!  So, as I sat in the back of the Primary room, I began to leaf through the pages...at which point I came across a great quote, which I have already forgotten, but which REMINDED me of another great quote.  It happens to be one of my favorites.  It comes from President Eyering and it goes a little something like this:

“My experience has taught me this about how people and organizations improve: the best place to look is for small changes we could make in things we do often.  There is power in steadiness and repetition. And if we can be led by inspiration to choose the right small things to change, consistent obedience will bring great improvement.”


He is right!  I know he is right, because I have tried this principle a dozen times since I came across this quote...and he is right!  And so, let me tell you how I arrived at the Number 14.  


I am not quite sure how to describe to you what happens to a person that has 5 children in a period of 8 years, but let's just say that it takes a toll (Mentally - YES!  Physically - ABSOLUTELY!)  I have an oldest sister who has always been a little slightly obsessed with exercising.  When I first started having kids I would say in front of her (JUST FOR THE REACTION)  I am going to have all of them quick, and then worry about losing the weight.  I GOT THE REACTION!  And 8 years later I was left wishing that I was the sister obsessed with exercising :)  


Several months ago, I realized that the physical toll that my body was paying was affecting everything.  What seemed like a weight problem was really a spiritual and emotional problem.  My energy was GONE!  I was sharp and unkind to my kids because...my energy was gone.  I was convinced that I was going to die young....doubt and fear clouded my thoughts.   And MY FEET HURT!  So I did what I do when I need help, real help!  


I committed to myself that things were going to change and began that commitment with a FAST, to ask for Heavenly Father's help and direction.   At the end of my fast I was given the needed inspiration, and let's just say that I knew it was needed, because it cut right to the core.  This thought came clearly to my mind -- Kathryn, you sin in two ways.....What goes into your mouth, and what comes out of your mouth!  Shortly after this little revelation, my good friend suggested that I only eat when it was TIME to EAT!  Sit down at Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack.  But don't spend your day grazing on left over peanut butter sandwiches, pretzels, candy that the kids bring home from school......Do I need to go on?  


Because my physical problem was really a spiritual problem, this small change affected me enormously!  I am POSITIVE it was with Heavenly Help that I found it possible to close my mouth when something derogatory wanted to escape it or some wandering food wanted let it (Yes, when there are 5 small children, there is wandering food). 


The first week I lost 3 pounds!  It felt like 100.  To be perfectly honest, the first day I stuck to my commitment of controlling my mouth, I felt as light as a feather, it didn't even take a week.  That is the cool thing about the Lord.  When ever you make the motion, He meets your sacrifice IMMEDIATELY.  I came upon this scripture recently and thought it shared my gratitude better than I could:  Alma 34:31


31 Yea, I would that ye would come forth and harden not your hearts any longer; for  if ye will repent...immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you.


Well, I think we are on week 8, and I have lost 14 lbs.  I know that doesn't seem like a TON, but as my coach Annie says, "It is a ton, a can of paint weighs 12 lbs."  A can of paint is heavy, and I am happy.  Actually, this entire post has very little to do with weight and a lot to do with gratitude!  I am grateful that the Lord never sees my problems as trivial or says with a disdainful look, "she got herself into this mess, she can get herself out of it!"  And most of all, I am grateful, that out of SMALL things, GREAT things are brought to pass!

Pretty!

This weekend was Stake Conference!  I enjoyed it immensely.  One quote struck me so much, that I made it pretty.  And that is all that I wanted to share with you today!

Get To WORK :)

I believe I was a Beehive (strange name for a 12 and 13 year old girl’s youth group in our church), sitting on the copper folding chair in the Young Women’s Room of the Ashton, Idaho Stake Center.  There was some sort of fancy meeting going on and my dad was the featured speaker.  He was standing behind the brown kidney shaped table, in a dark suit, white shirt, tie, scriptures unfolded in front of him.  I was sitting to the right, probably in that navy blue knit dress that got WAY too much use during those teenage years.  

I have no idea what the topic was…..I am guessing it was “testimony,” but I distinctly remember him turning the pages in his scriptures to Alma 32 vs27 and reading it.  Then saying – “WAKE UP PEOPLE!  It all makes sense, look around!  It all makes sense!”  To this day, I can hear it and see it, and I am not sure why that burnt such a mark on my heart, but I don’t think that my testimony has ever been the same.    From that moment on, I have been completely in love with Alma chapter 32. 

To say that I have read it a few times would be correct, but over the past several months, I have read it with different eyes.  We are at a point in our lives when we are watching several young people that we love, go through the dreaded process (seriously, I don’t know how any of us survive it) of courtship!   I am now ready to rename Alma 32 to “Guide to Courtship, Marriage, and Beyond!”  I am sure that captivating title begs you to move forward.  (Maybe if you say it like Buzz Lightyear would say it, it would appear more exciting to youJ  It worked for me!)

We enter a rather difficult part of Alma’s life as he is teaching the Zoramites.  There are some that want to understand but Alma can see they are not ready to take that giant leap into faithfulness!  He knows that they would enjoy a SIGN right about now (vs17).  “If we just KNEW it was the right thing FOR SURE, We would do it FOR SURE!” Sound Familiar?

“I want to get married; I really do….but how am I supposed to know that HE is THE ONE?”  If I could just know for sure….”

Alma carefully corrects their desire for sign and basically says, it isn’t about SIGNS, it is about FAITH (faith is really a code-word for WORK).  So let me rephrase.  “It isn’t about SIGNS, it is about WORK.”  Yes, Courtship is WORK.  Working to FIND A RIGHT ONE, and making the right one WORK. 

So get to work (vs. 26)  LOOK AROUND!  AWAKE, Arouse Your FACULTIES!  Start DATING!  And once you get a date, examine it very carefully.  Remember, the seed will not grow unless it is a TRUE seed (vs. 28).  That means it has to be able to grow into something.  Perhaps something ETERNAL.  So are all the right things in order?  Is it the RIGHT TIME (remember MISSION precedes MARRIAGE).  As far as I know, could I take this person to the RIGHT PLACE (there is only one place that makes things ETERNAL)!  If you can answer YES to those questions….keep moving! 

And the Lord gives you another set of questions shortly after.  Does this process pass the SEED test (vs. 28)  SWELL, ENLARGE, ENLIGHTEN, and DELICIOUS?  How do you feel when you are with this person?  If any of the previous emotions occur, say to yourself, “It must needs be that this is a good seed,” and keep moving forward. 

Now it must pass one more test!  “And now behold, are you sure that this is a good seed?  I say unto you, Yea; for every seed bringeth forth unto its own likeness.”  (vs.31)  Remember this, a relationship born out of VIRTUE will want to remain VIRTUOUS! 

I could go on FOREVER!  Literally, I could, but I will stop, I will let you read the rest of the chapter for yourself and discover that the nourishing doesn’t end when marriage happens, and the process repeats itself until ETERNITY is finally here!  But please remember, Faith is code for WORK.  Working to FIND A RIGHT ONE, and making the right one WORK.    So get to work, because I am ready to plan some fantastic WEDDING GIFTS for some of you.  And for some others of you remember mission precedes marriage, so STOP working and WORK on something else J

Lessons from Big Bad John

To say that life has been a bit demanding lately would not be overstating the truth.  There is nothing special going on, just motherhood and it's sleepless nights and busy days.  But I am EXHAUSTED and I knew that exhaustion had carried me to the BRINK when I went on a morning run.

Putting the earplugs in and turning on the ipod was a perfect start.  UNTIL the song......Big Bad John by Jimmy Dean came on---Don't JUDGE!   (I am really not sure why they even call it a song...he never sings a word)!  I remember putting it on my play list because it reminded me of my dad and taking long drives.  By the time Big Bad John is buried in the mine and they are erecting a monument, I am weeping uncontrollably. 

To top it off, the next song was Pink Shoelaces (really, this should be on the list of classics).  When I was about 10, my parents gave me a little jukebox filled with 8 tapes of 50's music.  Being the music connoisseur that I am, I was immediately attracted to this little ditty and by the end of the day, we had memorized every word and were performing actions to it on top of the fireplace for the entire family to see. (Don't deny it Erin and Susan--listen to it, you still know the actions--don't you!).  The memories started flowing and I stopped running.  I couldn't anymore, remember, I am on the BRINK, and for no apparent reason, WEEPING uncontrollably. 

By the end of the jog/run/convulsions, I had come to only one conclusion:  Parenting, it the most SELFLESS job ever created.  Let me tell you how I arrived there.  Remember Big Bad John?  Because he had done something good for humanity, they naturally erected a monument to him.  Don't we always expect a monument of some kind? 

Every Senior class is convinced that they were the greatest class to walk the halls of their school......They just know they should be remembered, so they plant a tree, engrave their names on a stone, post their pictures in the hall.......Do you see where I am going?  My dad always said that "there is nothing more important than a Senior boy."  When those important boys would ask him if they would be remembered, his answer was always the same.  "Pretty soon, you will just be a Whisper in the Halls."  "Never!"  They say, and they erect the monument!

I don't think my mom and dad ever did anything with the thoughts that there would be a plaque at the end of the tunnel!  But what if there was a plaque put in place every time a parent succeeded in teaching their children a life's lesson......

A plaque on my left foot "To Joe - for teaching me how to work, providing opportunities to kill gophers, roll trees, mow lawns, cut wood, stack wood...."

A plaque on my right foot "To Donna - for welcoming me home from a hard days work of killing gophers with Brownies, grape kool-aid, a clean home, and a smile." 

I could write the inscriptions folks, but let's be honest, we would run out of room very quickly, and as much as we want to show our appreciation, they wouldn't want it.  They do it simply for us.  Because they love us. 

I think I was weeping because I have finally come to realize that my dad is now just a "whisper in the halls," he "whispers" to me, and I can hear it.  Every time I switch my laundry I can hear him saying, "Kathryn, it is a law of physics that if you shake out your clothes, they will dry faster."  Every time I open my scriptures I can hear him say, "the good book should be studied."  Every time I am TIRED and want to quit, the whisper comes, "Buck Up Kathryn."

I am afraid that I am the only one that thinks it is sad.  Every time I do something good, the people that know me think--I did it.  They don't realize the work of parenting that went into it, and saddest of all, they don't know my dad.  So my heart wants to erect a plaque, but he wouldn't want it.  Remember, parenting is the most selfless job created.  Donna and Joe's years of parenting were a gift, without a name tag.  I think.....in GREAT RETROSPECT, that is how Big Bad John would have wanted it to :)