I Know How this All Turns Out

There is something about Stake Conference that makes me want to BLOG.  Last night was the Adult Session.  Every talk and song held something for me.  To start with we are adding Called to Serve to my Soprano list.  Although I am true-blue alto, there are some songs I MUST sing in soprano (perhaps my neighbors would not agree, but I simply cannot express how excited I feel on an low E).  Called to Serve is definitely a soprano song!

A young man, recently baptized spoke.  I was beyond impressed.  Impressed with him and my friends Skyler and Daniel Neil.  Out of a tragedy, the loss of their baby, and their reaction to it, they have changed generations of lives.  I know!  I am a product of ONE person that joined the Church and to date has changed many many lives.  I have always loved the Neils....today I love them even more!

In a interesting train of thoughts, I also made a connection that I would like to share with you today.  All thoughts were prompted by what the speakers were saying, and the gracious way they invited the Spirit into the meeting.

I think it will have been 4 years ago that my mom and dad came to visit.  In the course of their visit we went to church and at the time I was serving as the Gospel Doctrine instructor.  If my memory serves me correctly we were in the New Testament...discussing all of the trials that Paul suffered.  My intent was to have a discussion on the GOOD THAT COMES FROM SUFFERING FROM TRIALS.  

On a side note, while growing up, if I was singing or talking in church, participating in the Show Choir or Musical at school.....I could always look down into the crowd and see my mom mouthing the words of whatever I was singing or talking about.  Whether it was a memorized selection or completely off the cuff.  She was mouthing...and interestingly enough, most times we were on the same wave length.  On this particular Sunday I distinctly remembered teaching and looking down to see my dad mouthing the words.  Carefully examining my life at this point, I can see that there can be NO SUBSTITUTE for an INTEREST that a PARENT takes in a CHILD. 

Back to the discussion...the good that comes from suffering trials.  Well, the discussion was not going the way I had planned, to put it bluntly, there was no discussion.  My carefully worded questions were not evoking any answers, so in a bit of desperation, I turned to my dad and said, "Dad, tell us, what does 3 kidney transplants, and cancer do for a person?" 
His response, "Well, through all of it I think I learned something.  The only thing I could control was my attitude." 
At the time I thought, "Really Dad, that's all you've got for me?" 

But after 4 years of careful consideration, I get it, or I am starting to get it. I looked back at my dad's journals, the day he was diagnosed with kidney failure.  Without writing anything to private, he recorded the following thoughts.  "I’m not afraid to die or even be sick, although I realize that being sick is not my best thing.  .  My greatest concern is with my family....This is a tough time for all but our faith and love for each other will help us through.  I have such great promises ... and I need to have the faith required to receive those blessings.  I pray that I will be a more dedicated servant. "

President Messer reminded me last night of something that President Hinckley said to Mike Wallace at the very end of his initial interview with him.  Mike Wallace asked him how he could always be so cheerful.  President Hinkley's response (roughly quoting)  "Mike, I know how this all turns out!" 

My dad knew how it would all turn out as well. He knew it 35 years ago at the initial diagnosis, and he knew it 2 years ago, when it was time to REALLY KNOW!  I know beyond any doubt that there is hope during the hardest days, there is light in the darkest nights.  Because in the beginning there was a FATHER that took the greatest interest in all of us and sent his Only Begotten Son.  Because of Him, I should be the happiest person on earth, every day!  After all, there is only one thing that I can control!

I am obsessed with OWL HATS!

I have but a minute to blog this afternoon (and wondering when I am going to fit it in with a 9:00 Church meeting schedule....I have always loved the 9 o'clock block......always is before I had 5 kids to get ready!  Thank Heavens that only one of those children has hair that I must do!  My mother is a SAINT!)

I would like to report that Christmas was a SMASHING SUCCESS.  I took Julie B. Beck's talk to heart and thought that "being brilliant in the basics" included buying Christmas presents.  Surely shopping is BASIC!  I had a couple of goals.  Each kid would get something that made them SMARTER (most of them got a really cool game from Amazon.com - I LOVE AMAZON).  Something that increased one of their talents. A BOOK (I got 4 - Jared did AWESOME this Christmas)!  A Scrapbook!  And something really fun, that I knew they would LOVE!  My number one goal was to not buy any JUNK (meaning that it won't fall apart, and I wont hate myself for buying it in a month)!  I think we succeeded and we have a whole year to use all of our fun, not junky stuff! 

We got to see ALL of my family.  And to top it all of, Jared surprised me with a Jon Schmidt and Steven Sharp Nelson Concert in which we heard 3 solid hours of things like THIS:

Life is good!  Judge for yourself from the pictures below.  Oh, and Happy New Year!

 

Merry Christmas!

Dear Friends and Family!

Merry Christmas to all of you from all of the BOLTON’s. We love you and want you to know it! It has been a great Christmas Season starting in October with Pandora Christmas Music all the way until Today! We are grateful for the Savior, His Birth, His Life, and His Continuing Presence in our lives.

For the last few days I have been mulling over some of the Quotes that run through my mind this time of year (some new, some old). And for my own pleasure, I would like to post some of them without citations. You can decide where they come from, take a quiz, tell me your score. Some may appear not to be to Christmas Related, but they have come to mean Christmas to me….Enjoy!

1.  And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

2. “Business!”.…“Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence were, all, my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!”

3. Be near me Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay, Close by me forever, and love me I pray. Bless all the dear children in thy tender care, and fit us for heaven, to live with Thee there.

4. “And now as pertaining to this perfect Atonement, I testify that it took place at Gethsemane and at Golgotha. And as pertaining to Jesus Christ, I testify that he is the Son of the Living God who was crucified for the sins of the world. He is our Lord, our God, and our King. This I know of myself independent of any other person. I am one of his Witnesses. And in the coming day I will feel the nail marks in his hands and in his feet and shall wet his feet with my tears. But I shall not know any better then than I know now that he is God's almighty Son and he is our Savior and Redeemer and that Salvation comes in and through his atoning blood and in no other way.”

5. “Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: God is not dead, nor doth he sleep; the wrong shall fail, the right prevail, with peace on earth, good will to men.”

6. I am not satisfied with the conduct of this division. Some of you men are under the impression having been at Anzio entitles you not to wear neckties. Well you're wrong. Neckties will be worn in this area! And look at the rest of your appearance. You're a disgrace to the outfit. You're soft! You're sloppy! You're unruly! You're undisciplined!
[pause] And I never saw anything look so wonderful in my whole life. Thank you all!

7. “If there were no Easter, there would be no Christmas.

8.  Imagine a big outfit like Macy's...putting the spirit of Christmas ahead of the commercial.

9. But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

10.  “Tell me then,” he cried brokenly, “since my life has been so little worth, how came I here at all?”

“Through the mercy of the King”- came the clear low reply.

“But how have I failed so wretchedly,” he asked, “in all the purpose of my life? What could I have done better? What is it that counts here?”

“Only that which is truly give,” answered the bell-like voice. “Only that good which is done for the love of doing it. Only those plans in which the welfare of others is the master thought. Only those labors in which the sacrifice is greater than the reward. Only those gifts in which the giver forgets himself.”

There would be no Christmas if there were no Easter

So the other night at the dinner table we got into a DEEP discussion.  I thought of a quote that I once heard President Hinkley say and I asked the kids what it meant.  The quote is as follows: 

"There would be no Christmas if there were no Easter."

I wanted Ally and Sam's interpretation....Are you ready for this? 

Sam - "If there were no holidays there wouldn't be much fun."

Ally - "The question should be, if there were no Christmas there would be no Easter."

Well, we have a ways to go....This morning it dawned on me that this would be my 35th Christmas, and shortly thereafter it dawned on me that Christ never reached a 34th or a 35th Christmas.  And as a result of this conversation in my head, I thought of how much time I have wasted in BECOMING something very useful.  I am going need 1,000 more years to amount to anything I would hope for.  Christ did it in 33. 

This Christmas I have found myself thinking more about Easter than about Christmas.....I am not sure you can seperate the two.  As I read my scriptures this morning Issiah told the people that God would give a sign....

"Therefore, the Lord himself shall give you a sign—Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and shall bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel."

And I wondered what THIS SIGN should tell us. Please add to my list: 

God Loves Us

God is Merciful

God is Just

God has a Plan

God has not Left us Alone

God knows how much we need HIM.......................................

HAPPY THINKING!





Slow and Steady....

I had a flashback yesterday.  We will get to that in a minute. 

As I was pondering what I should be fasting about this Fast Sunday I kept thinking about how BAD I wanted to have the Christmas Spirit in my home this year.  No fighting, secret Santa's sneaking through the house, Christmas music wafting, that "It can't get any better than this" feeling.  That is how I remember my Childhood Christmases and I wanted to leave my kids with the exact same memories.  Then the Flashback came.....

I was probably a Freshman in high school and my Young Woman's leader had given me an advent that required me to look up one scripture each night and learn a little more about the Savior's life.  I was really excited.  My youth was filled with Grand and Glorious plans. This would be the exact equation to really get me in the Christmas Spirit. 

Well before I knew it, there I was on Christmas Eve, all of the festivities had been accomplished, and yet I still had a bit of an empty feeling.  Around 11 p.m. I found myself sitting on a twin bed in the upstairs bedroom looking at that list and vowing to get it done before the day was over.  I think I fell asleep around scripture #3. And the year 1991 passed without really understanding what Christmas was all about. 

I don't think that even if I did finish the ENTIRE list that night, I would have instantaneously been filled with that Spirit I knew was missing.  I think I have finally figured out Why.  God doesn't work with INSTANTANEOUS, God is the MASTER at working with PROCESS. 

Let me explain.  Years ago, 5 to be exact, Jared was called into the Bishopric and I was left to occupy a small bench ALONE with 2 very strong willed children.  It was a NIGHTMARE!  The nightmare grew as child 3 came along.  I remember having lessons on REVERENCE in Relief Society and people giving me all kinds of tips.  I heard everything from , "You just have to be an example...they will follow" to "For as long as they are irreverent in church, you make them sit still on a chair with their arms folded at home."

Well I tried it all.  And nothing worked.  Then the perfect lesson came along and my heart was just soft enough to receive the answer.  I don't remember who said it, or if it was from a manual, but this was the point....."Reverence is a result of what happens at home."  It is against every child's nature to do something for 3 hours that they haven't been taught or felt during the rest of the week. 

As much as I knew this was the right answer, it wasn't the answer I was hoping for, no quick fix....In fact, it was down right scary.  I have always wondered why Laman and Lemuel feared and trembled when they found out the Liahona worked with their steady simple obedience and now I knew.  It is scary to think that so much depends upon the SMALL SLOW STEADY processes that are at work every day in our lives.  It is much easier to go looking for a QUICK FIX, one that requires work, but can be accomplished within, oh let's say 90 days guaranteed. 

God knows that it is in the PROCESS we are truly converted.  The struggle purifies our hearts and makes it much less likely that we will return to old ways.  I have come to know that the Christmas Spirit is something that happens day in and day out.  It will not come when we put the lights on the tree or wrap presents while watching White Christmas (which Jared and I did last night - DELIGHTFUL).  It comes slowly and almost unnoticed.

Last Conference President Uchtdorf said, "(WE)  remain waiting for the Christ to be given to (us) like a magnificent Carl Bloch painting—to remove once and for all (our) doubts and fears.

The truth is, those who diligently seek to learn of Christ eventually will come to know Him. They will personally receive a divine portrait of the Master, although it most often comes in the form of a puzzle—one piece at a time. Each individual piece may not be easily recognizable by itself; it may not be clear how it relates to the whole. Each piece helps us to see the big picture a little more clearly. Eventually, after enough pieces have been put together, we recognize the grand beauty of it all. Then, looking back on our experience, we see that the Savior had indeed come to be with us—not all at once but quietly, gently, almost unnoticed."

I think this is the time of year I start to notice...how many pieces of the puzzle I figured out during the year.  Some years I can see some pieces and others, well, I find myself sitting on my bed at 11 p.m......waiting...and eventually falling asleep :)

The Gift To Weep

Last week, prior to Thanksgiving, it felt like every conversation I had ended in tears.  Ironically, or not ironically, it seems like every Holiday season is "celebrated" with crying and the tenderest of feelings.  To be perfectly honest, ever since March of 2009, when my dad died, every Christmas song I listen to bears many signs of melancholy and celebrations of what used to be. 

My mom, and the block of widows and widowers that I live on have all been especially weepy as of late.  It seems like TRAGEDY is abounding.  Tragedy that happened 19 years ago, 2 years ago, or as fresh as last week seems to be re-lived at the slightest smell, sound, or feeling that each Holiday season brings. 

A couple of weeks ago in the middle of one of these tragedies, I started to notice something about myself.  As we sat and listened to a grieving man.  I looked around to see our friends weeping with him.  As deeply as I felt the loss, the tears would not come for me. 

Then I started to put it all together after having a conversation with my sister Susan.  But I must back up for a minute and give you a little background.....

Kristine, the 2nd oldest sister in my family, had a tragedy of her own last week.  Without going into any details, she had an encounter with the death of a neighbor.  It was not violent, or gruesome, but terrifying to her and to her astonishment (not ours), her reaction was completely hysterical. 

I called Susan, our youngest sister to recount the news of the day, and I caught her right in the middle of a conversation she was having with her husband Bryce, "Bryce and I were just discussing how each of the sisters would have reacted if they had been in Kristine's shoes this week."

Vainly, the first question I asked was, "Well, what does he think I would have done?"

"Bryce said you would have started to cry, but I told him he was wrong.  I know exactly what you would have done...you would have started bossing people around and making a list of things that had to get done for the funeral......"

I had no rebuttal.  She knew me too well. 

Elder Ashton once said, that the GIFT TO WEEP was a SPIRITUAL GIFT. 

Do not get me wrong, I am not covetting.  I know that I was blessed with the gift to organize and work, in large part because of my parents, and I will use it until the day I day.  I can whip together a to-do list and organize a luncheon in the drop of a hat.  For that I am grateful. 

But today I am also grateful for all those who can sit still long enough to simply weep.  To mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort in a very personal way. 

Daniel Is walking (Kind OF)!

Okay, so this post has nothing to do with its title, but I needed to get that into the history at some point.  So let it be known, On November 20th, 2011, Daniel is taking 5 or more steps at a time, we LOVE Daniel (and feel a little guilty that we have slowed down just a enough to savor and enjoy his babyhood the most)!

Enough with the guilt, my mind has literally been SWIRLLING with thoughts for the past week.  Some are not yet discussable, but a few are.....Several years ago, at our Annual Christmas Eve Program, my dad ended the festivities by giving us a loving lecture.  One thing he said has made a permanent place in my mind for years...."You girls (he has 6 daughters and no sons (lucky guy:))  have always got to stay on good terms with each other and remain close.  Not for the reasons you may be thinking, but for this reason....I HAVE A LOT OF GRAND KIDS AND I WANT THEM TO HAVE SAFE HOUSES WHEREVER THEY GO.  Places they know they will be loved and helped and wanted." 

So we have, with a lot of effort on everyone's part, stayed close and happy with each other....and many times, my sister's houses have acted as "Safe Houses" for my parents 21 grandchildren.  I am usually not included in the experience because I live Nevada!  However this weekend, I got a taste.....

Brynne, my niece, and 4 other girls had a speech pathology conference in San Diego this past week.  On the way down they stayed with one of the girl's acquaintances.  And on the following day my cell phone was assaulted with pleading messages.  "Aunt Kathy!  Can we come and stay with you on the way home....It was awful.....They were drunk....I was so uncomfortable....I told the girls you would cook the dinner and breakfast...Please can we stay at your house." 

Two days later a car full of tired girls showed up and we were elated to have them!  It ended up a great experience for US and THEM.  This may shock everyone reading this, but as the girl's left, one of them made the following comment, "Thanks so much, your house was so much more peaceful."  PEACEFUL is not usually a word that people associate with our active little family.

I was so grateful for the entire experience, it made me miss Papa Joe a little, but even more than that, it made me grateful all over again that he was my dad.

On a side note, I think the Lord lovingly lets you have experiences like Brynne's during that time in your life.  I remember being in college, and having a very similar one.   Right as you are deciding what you want your home to look like and more importantly, feel like, He lets you see and feel the possibilities. 

Life is good! And in the words of Papa Joe, "Have A Day!"