There would be no Christmas if there were no Easter

So the other night at the dinner table we got into a DEEP discussion.  I thought of a quote that I once heard President Hinkley say and I asked the kids what it meant.  The quote is as follows: 

"There would be no Christmas if there were no Easter."

I wanted Ally and Sam's interpretation....Are you ready for this? 

Sam - "If there were no holidays there wouldn't be much fun."

Ally - "The question should be, if there were no Christmas there would be no Easter."

Well, we have a ways to go....This morning it dawned on me that this would be my 35th Christmas, and shortly thereafter it dawned on me that Christ never reached a 34th or a 35th Christmas.  And as a result of this conversation in my head, I thought of how much time I have wasted in BECOMING something very useful.  I am going need 1,000 more years to amount to anything I would hope for.  Christ did it in 33. 

This Christmas I have found myself thinking more about Easter than about Christmas.....I am not sure you can seperate the two.  As I read my scriptures this morning Issiah told the people that God would give a sign....

"Therefore, the Lord himself shall give you a sign—Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and shall bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel."

And I wondered what THIS SIGN should tell us. Please add to my list: 

God Loves Us

God is Merciful

God is Just

God has a Plan

God has not Left us Alone

God knows how much we need HIM.......................................

HAPPY THINKING!





Slow and Steady....

I had a flashback yesterday.  We will get to that in a minute. 

As I was pondering what I should be fasting about this Fast Sunday I kept thinking about how BAD I wanted to have the Christmas Spirit in my home this year.  No fighting, secret Santa's sneaking through the house, Christmas music wafting, that "It can't get any better than this" feeling.  That is how I remember my Childhood Christmases and I wanted to leave my kids with the exact same memories.  Then the Flashback came.....

I was probably a Freshman in high school and my Young Woman's leader had given me an advent that required me to look up one scripture each night and learn a little more about the Savior's life.  I was really excited.  My youth was filled with Grand and Glorious plans. This would be the exact equation to really get me in the Christmas Spirit. 

Well before I knew it, there I was on Christmas Eve, all of the festivities had been accomplished, and yet I still had a bit of an empty feeling.  Around 11 p.m. I found myself sitting on a twin bed in the upstairs bedroom looking at that list and vowing to get it done before the day was over.  I think I fell asleep around scripture #3. And the year 1991 passed without really understanding what Christmas was all about. 

I don't think that even if I did finish the ENTIRE list that night, I would have instantaneously been filled with that Spirit I knew was missing.  I think I have finally figured out Why.  God doesn't work with INSTANTANEOUS, God is the MASTER at working with PROCESS. 

Let me explain.  Years ago, 5 to be exact, Jared was called into the Bishopric and I was left to occupy a small bench ALONE with 2 very strong willed children.  It was a NIGHTMARE!  The nightmare grew as child 3 came along.  I remember having lessons on REVERENCE in Relief Society and people giving me all kinds of tips.  I heard everything from , "You just have to be an example...they will follow" to "For as long as they are irreverent in church, you make them sit still on a chair with their arms folded at home."

Well I tried it all.  And nothing worked.  Then the perfect lesson came along and my heart was just soft enough to receive the answer.  I don't remember who said it, or if it was from a manual, but this was the point....."Reverence is a result of what happens at home."  It is against every child's nature to do something for 3 hours that they haven't been taught or felt during the rest of the week. 

As much as I knew this was the right answer, it wasn't the answer I was hoping for, no quick fix....In fact, it was down right scary.  I have always wondered why Laman and Lemuel feared and trembled when they found out the Liahona worked with their steady simple obedience and now I knew.  It is scary to think that so much depends upon the SMALL SLOW STEADY processes that are at work every day in our lives.  It is much easier to go looking for a QUICK FIX, one that requires work, but can be accomplished within, oh let's say 90 days guaranteed. 

God knows that it is in the PROCESS we are truly converted.  The struggle purifies our hearts and makes it much less likely that we will return to old ways.  I have come to know that the Christmas Spirit is something that happens day in and day out.  It will not come when we put the lights on the tree or wrap presents while watching White Christmas (which Jared and I did last night - DELIGHTFUL).  It comes slowly and almost unnoticed.

Last Conference President Uchtdorf said, "(WE)  remain waiting for the Christ to be given to (us) like a magnificent Carl Bloch painting—to remove once and for all (our) doubts and fears.

The truth is, those who diligently seek to learn of Christ eventually will come to know Him. They will personally receive a divine portrait of the Master, although it most often comes in the form of a puzzle—one piece at a time. Each individual piece may not be easily recognizable by itself; it may not be clear how it relates to the whole. Each piece helps us to see the big picture a little more clearly. Eventually, after enough pieces have been put together, we recognize the grand beauty of it all. Then, looking back on our experience, we see that the Savior had indeed come to be with us—not all at once but quietly, gently, almost unnoticed."

I think this is the time of year I start to notice...how many pieces of the puzzle I figured out during the year.  Some years I can see some pieces and others, well, I find myself sitting on my bed at 11 p.m......waiting...and eventually falling asleep :)

The Gift To Weep

Last week, prior to Thanksgiving, it felt like every conversation I had ended in tears.  Ironically, or not ironically, it seems like every Holiday season is "celebrated" with crying and the tenderest of feelings.  To be perfectly honest, ever since March of 2009, when my dad died, every Christmas song I listen to bears many signs of melancholy and celebrations of what used to be. 

My mom, and the block of widows and widowers that I live on have all been especially weepy as of late.  It seems like TRAGEDY is abounding.  Tragedy that happened 19 years ago, 2 years ago, or as fresh as last week seems to be re-lived at the slightest smell, sound, or feeling that each Holiday season brings. 

A couple of weeks ago in the middle of one of these tragedies, I started to notice something about myself.  As we sat and listened to a grieving man.  I looked around to see our friends weeping with him.  As deeply as I felt the loss, the tears would not come for me. 

Then I started to put it all together after having a conversation with my sister Susan.  But I must back up for a minute and give you a little background.....

Kristine, the 2nd oldest sister in my family, had a tragedy of her own last week.  Without going into any details, she had an encounter with the death of a neighbor.  It was not violent, or gruesome, but terrifying to her and to her astonishment (not ours), her reaction was completely hysterical. 

I called Susan, our youngest sister to recount the news of the day, and I caught her right in the middle of a conversation she was having with her husband Bryce, "Bryce and I were just discussing how each of the sisters would have reacted if they had been in Kristine's shoes this week."

Vainly, the first question I asked was, "Well, what does he think I would have done?"

"Bryce said you would have started to cry, but I told him he was wrong.  I know exactly what you would have done...you would have started bossing people around and making a list of things that had to get done for the funeral......"

I had no rebuttal.  She knew me too well. 

Elder Ashton once said, that the GIFT TO WEEP was a SPIRITUAL GIFT. 

Do not get me wrong, I am not covetting.  I know that I was blessed with the gift to organize and work, in large part because of my parents, and I will use it until the day I day.  I can whip together a to-do list and organize a luncheon in the drop of a hat.  For that I am grateful. 

But today I am also grateful for all those who can sit still long enough to simply weep.  To mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort in a very personal way. 

Daniel Is walking (Kind OF)!

Okay, so this post has nothing to do with its title, but I needed to get that into the history at some point.  So let it be known, On November 20th, 2011, Daniel is taking 5 or more steps at a time, we LOVE Daniel (and feel a little guilty that we have slowed down just a enough to savor and enjoy his babyhood the most)!

Enough with the guilt, my mind has literally been SWIRLLING with thoughts for the past week.  Some are not yet discussable, but a few are.....Several years ago, at our Annual Christmas Eve Program, my dad ended the festivities by giving us a loving lecture.  One thing he said has made a permanent place in my mind for years...."You girls (he has 6 daughters and no sons (lucky guy:))  have always got to stay on good terms with each other and remain close.  Not for the reasons you may be thinking, but for this reason....I HAVE A LOT OF GRAND KIDS AND I WANT THEM TO HAVE SAFE HOUSES WHEREVER THEY GO.  Places they know they will be loved and helped and wanted." 

So we have, with a lot of effort on everyone's part, stayed close and happy with each other....and many times, my sister's houses have acted as "Safe Houses" for my parents 21 grandchildren.  I am usually not included in the experience because I live Nevada!  However this weekend, I got a taste.....

Brynne, my niece, and 4 other girls had a speech pathology conference in San Diego this past week.  On the way down they stayed with one of the girl's acquaintances.  And on the following day my cell phone was assaulted with pleading messages.  "Aunt Kathy!  Can we come and stay with you on the way home....It was awful.....They were drunk....I was so uncomfortable....I told the girls you would cook the dinner and breakfast...Please can we stay at your house." 

Two days later a car full of tired girls showed up and we were elated to have them!  It ended up a great experience for US and THEM.  This may shock everyone reading this, but as the girl's left, one of them made the following comment, "Thanks so much, your house was so much more peaceful."  PEACEFUL is not usually a word that people associate with our active little family.

I was so grateful for the entire experience, it made me miss Papa Joe a little, but even more than that, it made me grateful all over again that he was my dad.

On a side note, I think the Lord lovingly lets you have experiences like Brynne's during that time in your life.  I remember being in college, and having a very similar one.   Right as you are deciding what you want your home to look like and more importantly, feel like, He lets you see and feel the possibilities. 

Life is good! And in the words of Papa Joe, "Have A Day!"

This summer, I had the brilliant idea that we should have a little 24th of July parade where the kids in the neighborhood rode their bikes around the block and the adults clapped and cheered, and visited. I mentioned the parade to several friends, and they jumped on board.  I was also on board right up until the weekend before when we had just returned home from a ward campout, the laundry was blocking one of the
entrances to my home, and I was EXHAUSTED. 

I pushed it to the back of my mind and hoped that everyone else did too.  They did not.  Several people called wanting to know the details, and my neighbor Carol (always being slightly more inspired than I), even printed invitations and had her kids take them to every house in the neighborhood.  I remember saying to myself, "FINE!  We will have the parade, but I am not putting one ounce of preparation into it!"  I held true to my word.  My heart did soften a little as everyone showed up, and I engaged in the conversation.

As the festivities started, all of the "regulars" had arrived and we were just ready to start when out of the corner of my eye, I saw a little family approaching.  They live in the neighborhood and we were casual acquaintances, "casual" meaning that I didn't really know their names, how many children they had, or anything about them, but I did wave to them every Sunday as we walked around the block. 

Seeing this as an opportunity to get better acquainted, I quickly approached and we made the official introductions.  I finally knew their names and that they had 3 children, a 19 year old, a 4 year old, and a 2 year old. I followed up with a question to the wife, "You cut your hair didn't you?"  Her response would change my life.  "Actually, I just finished treatment for Breast Cancer."  How are You now?  I said, hoping for the best...."The doctor's told me that I could either do aggressive radiation until I died, or I could stop and enjoy what time I had.  But we are still fighting, I am trying some other things." 

I went to bed that night haunted by her words.  I woke up the next morning and called Carol!  "Do you want to take dinner over tonight?"  Yes!  And so we showed up to her house with soup and rolls that she could not eat (because of her strict diet), and very little to say....But I knew that we needed to be there. 

Over the next 3 months, that feeling returned frequently.  I knew I needed to get over to that house!  At first I invented reasons, but the formalities quickly died and a feeling of great love and concern filled the hole that they had left.  So I and many others went to their house and we went often.  And just as I felt my heart completely attach to this woman and her family, it was over. 

We attended her funeral last week.

In retrospect, I think the last 3 months have been one of the greatest learning experiences of my life.  Beyond a shadow of any doubt, I know that God loves ALL of His children.  I KNOW THAT GOD LOVES HIS CHILDREN. 

And, reminiscent of when my dad died, I also saw exactly how God intended the organization of a FAMILY to work.  Such tenderness was shown between a husband and a wife, a mother and father-in-law, siblings.  I saw this great organization in action and the love between each of them was tangible.  I will never forget the great care that was taken to make sure that my friend was comfortable and cherished. 

At the luncheon after the funeral, a picture video of her life was presented.  In each picture she was holding or standing with one of her children.  As I watched and cried, I knew that God loved her for being a mom.  He was proud of her life, but especially of her choice to be a Mother.  Long after I would have succumbed to the pain, I saw her reach down and say to her daughter.  "I've got to fight this for you.  I've got to." 

It has been a LONG, SAD week.  I'm ashamed to say that several months ago I had NO CLUE what heartache was happening within the walls of a house just 10 down from my own.  I am everlastingly grateful that the Lord knew all along and I am confident that He will be very aware of the heartache to follow. 

The Law of the Oldest

It has been 8 1/2 years since Ally was born and it seems as if I put every hope and expectation upon her the minute she entered the world.  I wanted her to be good! Smart! Creative!  A Singer!  A Writer!  And reading Jane Austen by age 9......Well, Ally is as good as they possibly come, but I have found that my goals may not necessarily be Ally's goals.  And in the same breath, I have also found that some goals are important NO MATTER WHO THE CHILD IS. 

Last Sunday was our ward's Primary Presentation during Sacrament Meeting.  Honestly - one of the best meetings I have been to.  I know there were a lot of kids on the stand.  However, my eyes were so closely trained on 3 of them (namely Ally, Sam, and Gary), that I can tell you very little about the rest.  There are some moments (few to be exact) where you sit back and say to yourself, "It is working, all of our hard work is beginning to see some fruit."  One of those moments briefly occurred last Sunday. 

(Which reminds me...A few weeks ago my sister was visiting my mom.  I called home and asked what was going one....My mom replied.  "McKayla is doing the dishes, Erin is cleaning up, Delaney is helping me, and Heather is making cookies."  I replied, "WOW!  They grew up to be USEFUL!"  To which my sister promptly replied, "Mine did, but there are no guarantees on yours :)  She was joking, I am hoping!)

I just wanted to say that I am very proud of Ally!  I can see huge strides in her, spiritually, intellectually, and in all manners of goodness.  I know that Heavenly Father placed her first in our family for a reason.  My mom and dad always stressed the "Law of the Oldest."  Meaning, the oldest child sets an example which is either hard to overcome, or a an example for all of the remaining children to reach to.  I am grateful for JoDee, the oldest in our family, who set the precedence, and I am grateful that Ally has many of JoDee's qualities! 

I am Certain!

I was sitting in "Big Blue" the big Blue Ford truck that we drove to and from school.  I had just come back from eating lunch at my house and parked in the front row, one of the many privileges of being a teacher's daughter.  For all intents and purposes, I believe it was lightly snowing (most days it was snowing).  Something had been mulling around in my mind all day and it was there in that parking lot that it all came together for me. 

Earlier that week, our seminary teacher challenged us to "pray to know if the Book of Mormon was true."  As a note of disclosure, I must admit that this is the one and only lesson I remember learning in Seminary.  I had a lot of fun in seminary.  When the teacher was not in the room (which was the case more than it was not)  Erin, my sister, Paul Christensen, and I taught the rest of the class how to have "good clean fun."  I vaguely remember a few science experiments involving a ceiling fan and a full glass of water.  It didn't end good.  And is no excuse for any of my children, their teachers will teach them (RIGHT JARED?)

I took my teacher's challenge seriously, and I had been praying, and thinking, willing myself to get an answer.  Then, when I was least expecting it, I got it.  The impression came to mind as clearly as I was hearing it or reading it, printed for my eyes only.  "Kathryn, you already knew, you have always known it was true."  I have never forgotten what that felt like. 

I believe it was that same year, my Senior year, that I really started LOVING the Book of Mormon.  Perhaps triggered by the death of a a good high-school friend, or the uncertainty of what lie ahead of me, I turned to the Book of Mormon to find something - probably comfort or guidance.  Each night I would head downstairs a little early to go to bed.  (This was odd for anyone who knows me. I have been deathly afraid of our basement for the majority of my life, but this was different.)  As I retreated to the "cave" each night, I would write in my journal and then pull out my Book of Mormon.  I read and read!  It began as novel to me.  I became so involved in the story line, that I could not wait to see what would happen next.  I knew all the stories, I had known them forever, but now I loved them, they were personal. 

Through the years it has become so much more than a novel.  I think the secret lies in something that the Prophet Joseph Smith said, "I told the brethren that the Book of Mormon was the most correct of any book on earth...and a man would get nearer to God by abiding by it's precepts than any other book."  With all of my heart, I believe that the Book of Mormon keeps me sane!  It keeps me headed on the path that I know I should follow, and that is true SANITY!  However my thoughts get jumbled in a day by listening to the theories of men and popularities of the day, they quickly correct themselves each morning as I sit, in the dark, open my scriptures, and find sanity. 

I am reading a book at the moment by John Moody, he is not a member of our faith, but puts something into words that I need put into words.  And I quote, " The rules of Mormonism are unbending, but they are clear, which separates the latter-day Saints from many others in these days of moral relativism and may explain and element of the religion's appeal.  Former Church President Gordon B. Hinckley, when asked about the Church's steady and significant growth, explained that the gospel of Jesus Christ offers a firm foundation in a world of shifting values.  For Mormons, right is obvious and wrong has consequences.  This provides a comforting certainty."

I can testify to that!  Certainty provides Comfort and that Certainty can be found within the pages of the Book of Mormon!  I LOVE THE BOOK OF MORMON!  I know it is true!  I have always known it was true.